What If the First Phase Is the Whole Shebang?

You’ve done it yourself.  I know you have.  You’ve taken a look at your home and decided you needed to update it or change it in some way.  You started by dreaming big.  Really big.  You think about getting a contractor and tearing down a wall or two, putting in heated tile floors in the bathroom and a jacuzzi, the Viking stove in the kitchen, even though you don’t have gas (how much could it cost to have gas lines installed.  Is that even possible?).  And then you start estimating the cost.  You look in your piggy bank, and your dreams shrink.  It’s like you want the Mercedes CLS 550, but you buy the Hyundai Sonata.

For us, it is our kitchen.  We had a huge kitchen when we lived in San Antonio, and I had one of those gourmet, stainless steel, 46-inch dual fuel stoves with side-by-side double ovens.  Now I have a little galley kitchen and we don’t have gas.  We started dreaming how we could turn this into as close to a dream kitchen as we could, working with its limited size.  Our plans included knocking out one portion of a wall, reconfiguring one of the counters, which would have necessitated also knocking out the fireplace in the family room and replacing it with a wall so we could move the couch to another wall, tearing out the cabinets and replacing them with new ones, one of those beautiful farmhouse sinks, granite countertops, new dishwasher and new stove.  For starters.

Last weekend we began by pulling off the dated wallpaper and scrubbing the walls down to remove the wallpaper paste.  During the week, my husband taped and floated and put layers upon layers of spackle on the walls.  This past weekend we sanded, put primer on the walls, and finally painted the walls with a soft yellow.  It has been exhausting, but already the kitchen looks so much better.

I think we’re done.

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Thanks, Dad. I Finally Get It.

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“Oh, for some fowl reason.”

I’ve been in a fowl foul mood today. I’ve been wanting to back off of some commitments, and every time I’ve tried, I chicken out. I have reasons that are important to me, but when I say them aloud, they seem so wimpy.

I’ve always had a mild problem with anxiety. (I can hear my husband laughing hysterically. Mild?) I’m always afraid to disappoint someone, so it’s rather difficult for me to say no. Why is it so easy for some people? I struggle with this all the time, but it only increases my anxiety as I get pulled further and further into things I want to get out of.

Today in Yoga, I couldn’t let my mind rest, because I finally decided I was going to give notice I was leaving a volunteer position. I would give six months so I don’t leave anyone high and dry. During nearly the entire Yoga session, I kept rehearsing all the reasons I would present to our leader for why I was leaving. Would anyone really understand? Were the reasons compelling enough to anyone but me?

And then I heard my father’s words in my head. Whenever I tried to explain why I was or wasn’t going to do something, he would put his hand up and stop me. “Susan, you don’t need to explain. Your reasons are your reasons. Do want you want to do.” Here I am in my sixties finally letting that sink in. I don’t have to convince anyone my reasons are justifiable or worthy enough. How liberating that thought is. The bonus was that I came to that realization just in time to be able to enjoy the Final Relaxation.

I’m going to stick with my decision and not feel guilty. Well, I’ll try not to feel guilty…and I’ll try to stick to my decision. And I won’t feel like I have to offer a reason that is “acceptable.”

“Hi, __________. I’m sorry I have to back out of my commitment, but we’re moving to Australia…”

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2011 in Review

I’m a little slow at noticing things, and I just came across this cool report that WordPress puts together for bloggers.  Thought I’d post it, since Im also slow in writing another new post, and thank everyone of you who have visited my site and read my ramblings. Also, a ton of thanks to you who take the time to comment or even click the like button.  I know blogging takes a lot of our time, including keeping up with each other’s blogs, so thanks a bunch.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 25,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 9 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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The Wisdom That Comes With Age

At the start of a new year, it is always nice to reflect on life and the lessons it has taught you.  Since my birthday occurs at the beginning of the year, it makes this yearly stock-taking seem all the more appropriate.  I also feel that we older people have a responsibility to pass on our wisdom to those of you who do not have the insights gained from advancing age, and so, in the spirit of magnanimity, I will briefly share some with you.
1. Throwing a Swiffer dusting sheet into the dryer will not make your clothes soft and wrinkle-free. (Note: The reciprocal axiom is that fabric softener sheets on your Swiffer mop will not pick up dust on your floors.)
2. If you put something away for safe keeping, it’s a good idea to write down where you put it.  Of course, this assumes you will remember where you wrote it down or even if you wrote it down.
3. Take the pizza cutter out of the pizza box before you throw the box away, especially if it is the Pampered Chef one, the holy grail of pizza cutters.  Blaming your houseguests for stealing it can therefore be avoided.  (So sorry, J and A.  My bad.)
4.   Newer ovens automatically shut off after twelve hours of being left on of continuous use.  Apparently.
5.  If you come out of the store and can’t find your car in the parking lot, don’t panic.  It is likely you walked.
6.  Remember when you laughed at your mother for wearing elastic waist pants?  Shame on you.
7.  If you forget to take your glasses off when you get into bed at night, and your spouse makes some “cute” remark about it, tell him you just wanted to see who you were sleeping with.
8.  Someday you will learn to cook for less than the five of you.  Until that day, enjoy the leftovers.
9.  Don’t wait to use those special pottery dishes until they are to0 heavy for you to pick up.
10. Think young.  It takes more energy to think old.

From time to time, I may share more of my wisdom with you.  If, at that time, my thoughts seem peculiarly similar to those above, you will be kind enough not to point that out.  Won’t you.

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The Adventure Continues

This past weekend we hosted two of our dearest friends as they stopped to spend the night on their move down to Florida from Connecticut. We have known J.and A. since college. They both grew up in Connecticut and lived there all their lives. Their children were born and raised there and all but one still live there. Yet, with retirement, they decided to have an adventure. They bought a condo in Florida, within walking distance of the beach, and will put their house in Connecticut on the market this spring. They will look for a small place to buy in Connecticut once their house sells. They plan on spending all the cold months in Florida and all the warm months in Connecticut. This will be the first time they have lived in another state.

I have this image of them this weekend when we were chatting over coffee at the breakfast table before they got back on the road. They were like two kids, excited about their new life.   J was sitting on A’s lap and he had his arms around her waist. It was not unlike an image I have of them when we were young couples together.   During breakfast J mentioned that George and I had had our share of adventures. We left Connecticut to live in Philadelphia for a couple of years, and then we moved to Texas for nearly twenty-nine. Now we are living in Virginia. This would be their first time to go so far, and they would only have each other to lean on. I could tell that they would not need anyone else.  In fact, I know they are relishing the idea of just the two of them in paradise.

They have spent all their adult years caring for  children and elderly parents.   Their life has been rich with family, friends, and satisfying jobs.  Some people may ask why they are so willing to give that all up and move  far away, but my husband and I get it so well.  When you have a good marriage, like they do, sometimes you long for time with just each other, far from the responsibilities that keep your minds on things other than each other.  Sure, J and A cite economic reasons, and that certainly was the major incentive for making such a momentous, life-changing move.  That, and not wanting to suffer through another Connecticut winter!  But underneath those reasons, George and I know what the driving force was.  They want an adventure, one where they are the featured characters.  The only characters for awhile.  How romantic! 

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How Do You Know?

English: A homeless man in New York with the A...

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A couple of days ago I was loading groceries into my car when I was approached by a large and intimidating looking man who mumbled something to me.  He was rather gruff and did not speak distinctly, so I didn’t know what he said.  He repeated himself and held out an ID card with his picture on it, but no address.  I still couldn’t understand him and was embarrassed to ask him to repeat what he said once again.  The third time was not the charm, and I finally said, “I don’t think so,” hoping that would answer whatever he had asked. He sighed heavily, like he was talking to an idiot (and I sort of felt like one at that point), looked me right in the eye, and gruffly but distinctly said, “Will you buy a homeless man a meal?” He said it like a challenge.

I checked my purse. “I don’t usually carry cash, but I have four dollars. I hope that will help.” His whole demeanor changed. For the first time in our rather odd conversation, he smiled and asked me how my day was. He told me he was going across the street where some fast food places were so he could get something to eat and the four dollars would work out fine. Then he thanked me and headed off.

Was he really homeless? He looked like he was, but I really don’t know. Could he have been scamming me? Maybe, but my instincts tell me he wasn’t. What about all the people on the street corners holding up signs that say they they are out of work and need a hand-out? Do I give to every one of them? No, I don’t, but I do give to some of them. I take stock of their appearance and the looks on their faces and make the best judgment I can, but I try to err in their favor. After awhile, you learn to recognize the desperate look of the truly needy.

I wasn’t always like this. Some years ago an assembly program came to the middle school where I worked. It was called “Rachel’s Challenge.” Rachel Scott was the first teen killed at Columbine during that tragic day in Colorado in 1999. Rachel had been a kind and loving child, and the story of her life and entries from her diary were such a powerful testament to what caring can do in people’s lives, especially the outcasts and the broken, that Rachel’s father developed an assembly program to take into schools all over the country, to challenge kids to stop bullying and to be kinder to each other. The program was powerful, and the children were convicted. Many of them cried.

But it wasn’t just the children who were touched. One of the stories that was told about Rachel was when she was working at a sandwich shop. A homeless woman came in, and Rachel thought she looked hungry. She was going to make her a sandwich, but she changed her mind. Then another woman came into the shop, noticed the homeless woman, and bought her a meal. Rachel felt she had missed an opportunity. When the homeless woman left, she forgot her gloves. Rachel held onto them, hoping she would return, but she never did. Rachel kept the gloves on her dresser to remind her never to hesitate to help someone again.

Rachel’s challenge has always stayed with me. I don’t want to miss an opportunity to help someone in need, though I’m sure I’ve been had sometimes. How do you know? Does it really matter?

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Winter

Snow doesn’t often come to Virginia Beach, but I was able to capture one snowy scene from my bedroom window last year:

Boston, however, never seems to run short on the fluffy white stuff:

Somerville, Massachusetts

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Modernizing Mom

One of our sons gave us a French press coffee maker for Christmas last week.  It was a very thoughtful gift, especially since we’ve enjoyed many great cups of coffee made in our sons’ French presses when we visit them in Boston, and we always comment on how delicious the coffee is.

Dueling Coffee Makers

My son said he knows we still use our 40-year-old General Electric percolator, but he thought we might enjoy making a smaller pot of the really good stuff for just the two of us.

Okay, I’ll admit the coffee made in the French press has a certain body and complexity the percolator coffee lacks, and maybe forty years is a bit long to hold onto the old ways, but I used to make our coffee on top of the stove in the non-electric version of a percolator, so the electric percolator is a step up.  I love it when our kids figuratively take us by the hand and show us that there are better ways to do some things.

I’d like to think that I was the same way with my parents, but the truth of the matter is that my father was way ahead of the game.  He was into computers many years before they became a household item.  He had the latest and best cameras and knew all about setting f-stops and apertures.  He never bothered with the automatic mode, even when it became standard.  He knew about pistons and cylinders and torque and blah, blah, blah  about how car engines work.  And he could fix just about anything. He was handy with all kinds of tools, including jig saws and circular saws, and saws I don’t even know the name of.  He built our garage all by himself when I was growing up.  Yes, I’m not making this up, and that garage is still standing, nearly sixty years later.  I know because I drive by it every time we go to Connecticut.

My mother, on the other hand, was an old-fashioned girl and remained so all her life.  The things I remember about my mother is that she was so sweet and the best cook ever.  No one could make a pie like mom, except for her mom who taught her.  But I don’t want to be thought of as an old-fashioned girl.

While our children like to modernize us a bit, I wonder what they’ve learned from us that they will think is modern or sophisticated.  I know the boys are learning about how to use tools from their dad.  My husband wanted to buy a power drill for a Christmas present for our sons to share.  “Really?”  I said.  “What kind of a present is that?  Who gets excited about a power drill?”  Okay, must be a guy thing because I was dead wrong.

So, specifically, maybe I’m wondering what the kids have learned from me?  Oh, sure, I know they’ve learned about respect and integrity and basic cooking skills and how to do laundry and all those things we naturally teach our kids if we’re responsible parents.  But what will they look back on years from now and think, “You know, Mom was a modern, innovative person because she_____.”  I’m having a hard time filling in the blank!

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What We Do For Love

If you follow my blog, you know that my daughter-in-law asked me to bring a loaf of my homemade challah for Christmas, but here’s the rest of the story:

Challah tastes best if you eat it the same day you make it.  By the next day, it is still good, but the quality falls sharply after that.  So, if you aren’t going to eat it by the next day after baking, you need to freeze it and keep it frozen until you are ready to enjoy it.  That presents a dilemma when it is made in Virginia on a Monday and it won’t get to Boston until Friday.  My son suggested we get some dry ice to keep it frozen on our drive up.

Having never bought dry ice before, we were clueless as to where we could even procure any, but just in case it was easier to find than we anticipated, my husband went looking for it in our local grocery store.  Eureka!  The Wednesday before Christmas we packed our car for our departure at the crack of dawn on Thursday, then headed to the store for the dry ice.  I waited in the car while my husband went in to make the purchase.  He came out carrying two plastic bags of dry ice and wearing a perturbed expression.

“I can’t believe how expensive this stuff is,” he said as he got in the car.  “This cost nearly $20.”

“Yikes!  You shouldn’t have bought it,”  I said.

“The sign said it was only 99 cents a pound.  I didn’t think it was that heavy.  I was already at the register and didn’t want to make a scene.  Besides, this is for our daughter-in-law.  She’s worth it.”

When we got home, we read the directions on how to use dry ice, and were a little nervous about all the precautions.  They said not to put it in a container that was airtight because the build-up of carbon dioxide it releases as it melts could cause the container to explode.  Was the cooler airtight?  Who knows?  But how else would we transport it?  Visions of the trunk exploding on our way up to Boston unfolded in our heads.

The directions also said not to let the ice come in contact with the food because it could cause freezer burn.  If we wanted to keep something frozen, we needed to put the dry ice on top of it, but if we merely wanted to keep something cold, we should put the ice  beneath it.  How would we keep the ice from touching the bread?  My husband had the perfect idea.  We would put cans of soda in the corners of the cooler to hold the ice above the bread without touching it.  It was almost perfect, except we needed something in the middle for support.  I had the perfect idea this time.  We would sacrifice the fruit cake we had been gifted.  It proved to be the perfect size.

At every stop we made on the long drive up the East Coast, we opened the cooler to let the carbon dioxide out, just in case.  We noticed on our first stop that all the sodas had frozen and the cans had split.  Dry ice works fast!  We also found that our sandwiches, which we had placed in a tray at the top of the cooler, had frozen.  But the challah made it all the way to Boston in its frozen state.

As an addendum to this tale of sacrifice, I’d like to add that my precious daughter-in-law peeled and chopped four pounds of onions on Christmas Eve to make the most perfect French onion soup imaginable for Christmas Day.  The copious amount of onions emitted such strong fumes that my son, stepping into the kitchen, had to turn around and make a quick exit as his eyes began to water immediately.  What a wonderful labor of love from my daughter-in-law besides all the other fabulous dishes she prepared for us to make the day a gourmet extravaganza.  And I can attest to the pungency of those onions because I sat there in the kitchen the whole time she peeled and chopped them, tears streaming down my face, so I could keep her company.  What we do for love.

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Why I Make New Year Resolutions

A few days ago I was talking to a woman about New Year resolutions, and she said she doesn’t make them anymore.  “I never keep them anyway, so why make them and be disappointed?” she said.  I never keep mine either, but that doesn’t deter me from making them, and here’s why:

Making resolutions makes me take stock of myself every year and think about how I might improve myself or what I might like to do that I’ve put off doing, or it helps remind me of things I used to like doing but forgot about.  For instance, last year I made the resolution that I would pick up my violin again.  It took me nearly the whole year to go and get my broken E-string replaced, but I had it in my mind that at some point I was going to stop procrastinating and start practicing again.

I also told myself last year that I was going to work out at the YMCA three or four days a week.  Believe it or not, I kept that up for a good six months before I started petering out and only managed to get there two to three days a week.  Then it got to be twice a week—if I was lucky, but by that time it was October and I knew I could renew my enthusiasm once the new year rolled around and I made another resolution.

Some of the things I’ve contemplated making resolutions about this year, besides doing a better job at keeping up my exercise routine, are making one new dish a week for dinner, reducing my spending (lucky for me I hit the Talbot’s and J. Jill sales Saturday when it was still 2011), relearning how to knit and maybe making a sweater (I’m not too serious about this one, now that I see it in print), getting my first draft of my novel to the point that I would consider letting another person actually read it and critique it—okay, well, maybe at least letting them read it, baking bread on a regular basis again, and writing more letters.  Or writing letters.

Do I earnestly think I will fulfill these resolutions?  Heck, no!  Will I be disappointed in myself if I don’t keep them up?  Likewise, heck, no!  But what I do know is that I will achieve some of these goals for part of the year, and I will be better for it.  And just the fact that I keep thinking about what I want to do and how I want to be makes me appreciate that I still have some of these choices in my control.  Now, how can that be anything but a good thing?

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