“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“Oh, for some fowl reason.”
I’ve been in a
fowl foul mood today. I’ve been wanting to back off of some commitments, and every time I’ve tried, I chicken out. I have reasons that are important to me, but when I say them aloud, they seem so wimpy.
I’ve always had a mild problem with anxiety. (I can hear my husband laughing hysterically. Mild?) I’m always afraid to disappoint someone, so it’s rather difficult for me to say no. Why is it so easy for some people? I struggle with this all the time, but it only increases my anxiety as I get pulled further and further into things I want to get out of.
Today in Yoga, I couldn’t let my mind rest, because I finally decided I was going to give notice I was leaving a volunteer position. I would give six months so I don’t leave anyone high and dry. During nearly the entire Yoga session, I kept rehearsing all the reasons I would present to our leader for why I was leaving. Would anyone really understand? Were the reasons compelling enough to anyone but me?
And then I heard my father’s words in my head. Whenever I tried to explain why I was or wasn’t going to do something, he would put his hand up and stop me. “Susan, you don’t need to explain. Your reasons are your reasons. Do want you want to do.” Here I am in my sixties finally letting that sink in. I don’t have to convince anyone my reasons are justifiable or worthy enough. How liberating that thought is. The bonus was that I came to that realization just in time to be able to enjoy the Final Relaxation.
I’m going to stick with my decision and not feel guilty. Well, I’ll try not to feel guilty…and I’ll try to stick to my decision. And I won’t feel like I have to offer a reason that is “acceptable.”
“Hi, __________. I’m sorry I have to back out of my commitment, but we’re moving to Australia…”