At the start of a new year, it is always nice to reflect on life and the lessons it has taught you. Since my birthday occurs at the beginning of the year, it makes this yearly stock-taking seem all the more appropriate. I also feel that we older people have a responsibility to pass on our wisdom to those of you who do not have the insights gained from advancing age, and so, in the spirit of magnanimity, I will briefly share some with you.
1. Throwing a Swiffer dusting sheet into the dryer will not make your clothes soft and wrinkle-free. (Note: The reciprocal axiom is that fabric softener sheets on your Swiffer mop will not pick up dust on your floors.)
2. If you put something away for safe keeping, it’s a good idea to write down where you put it. Of course, this assumes you will remember where you wrote it down or even if you wrote it down.
3. Take the pizza cutter out of the pizza box before you throw the box away, especially if it is the Pampered Chef one, the holy grail of pizza cutters. Blaming your houseguests for stealing it can therefore be avoided. (So sorry, J and A. My bad.)
4. Newer ovens automatically shut off after twelve hours of being left on of continuous use. Apparently.
5. If you come out of the store and can’t find your car in the parking lot, don’t panic. It is likely you walked.
6. Remember when you laughed at your mother for wearing elastic waist pants? Shame on you.
7. If you forget to take your glasses off when you get into bed at night, and your spouse makes some “cute” remark about it, tell him you just wanted to see who you were sleeping with.
8. Someday you will learn to cook for less than the five of you. Until that day, enjoy the leftovers.
9. Don’t wait to use those special pottery dishes until they are to0 heavy for you to pick up.
10. Think young. It takes more energy to think old.
From time to time, I may share more of my wisdom with you. If, at that time, my thoughts seem peculiarly similar to those above, you will be kind enough not to point that out. Won’t you.
Coming East 
Oh, good grief! I totally wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday, belated or not, but somehow got distracted while I was guffawing and writing the earlier comment. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Susan! 😀
Why thank you for the birthday wish, Mama! Very sweet of you.
Oh yes, very sage advice! I for one think it’s wonderful that as we…ahem…mature we can say that we’ve gained such wisdom to graciously pass on to the next generation. 😉 I’m right there with ya, friend!! This was a very funny, but oh, so true list! I laughed out loud and had to share it with my husband, who has been known to have trouble with #7 occasionally.
Maybe with that snappy come-back, Mama, he won’t think he’s so cute anymore. I’d love to hear some of your sage advice, too.
Thanks. My birthday’s coming in another month. You have some fun reminders. Never knew that about the oven shutting off. My Mom has a book titled “WIPI” (Where I Put It.) In our house we have something called “The Vortex”, things go in there and eventually come back out. Sometimes I must be more patient than others, but eventually everything shows up.
I love your Mom’s book title. Maybe I should get a book like that, OALG. Hmmm…where should I keep it so I know where it is?
Happy belated birthday! And number 7 made me spit out my tea. You are hilarious!
Sorry about the mess you made with the tea, Darla. My bad.
Excellent suggestions! I really liked #2. My husband put our computer back ups in a safe place when we went on holidays. They remained safe for several months after our return before he finally found where he had hidden them.
I commiserate with your hubby. My husband has made lists all his adult life, so he is used to reading them. I’m glad he has patience with me, or I’d be in trouble.
hilarious! My mom once discovered that, yes, the manufacturers only have a certain number of codes for the automatic unlock remote for cars. She found this out when she unlocked the red van, started loading it with groceries, and then had to explain to the owner of the van why she was apparently stealing his car. The odds of two identical vans with identical keys, in the same parking lot – drastically increases when you have trouble remembering where you parked your car. 🙂
Hysterical, Lexy. I had no idea about the codes, but it makes sense. Your poor, embarrassed mother. Hope the other van owner had a sense of humor.
It’s good to know I’m not alone. Maybe I should start taking notes on my episodes of forgetfulness, and make them entertainment instead of embarassments.
I would love to read them, Helen! I’m sure they would sound familiar.
I love this post, particularly 5 and 7. 🙂
Happy belated birthday, Susan.
Thanks, Val. My sweete but smart Alec husband loves to point out my age-related foibles.
What great tips! I love them! I especially like the use the good china one. I heard someone say that about candles several years ago. Don’t wait to burn the beautiful Christmas candle. Ever since then, I’ve lit all the candles and never tried to save them.
I was like that with candles, too, Leah.m seems silly now.
LOL. Laughed at the car one. A few weeks ago I forgot what car I was in let alone where I left it.
That’s what happens to a car lover when you have more than one car, GCB. LOL!
Great list! I especially like #9. I was never a good potter, and appreciated beautiful pottery. I began collecting mugs, then graduated to place settings from different potters. I finally collected enough place settings to give away my mass produced dishes. They are a bear to lift out of the cabinet… but so worth the effort!
Thanks for commenting, Carol. We bought this gorgeous plates from a local potter when we lived in Texas, and I’ve saved them for company. They hardly get used, but they are so heavy and don’t fit in the dishwasher well, so now they just sit in my hutch. What a shame.
LOL You’ve been watching me, haven’t you?
Funny comment, Patti. Yes, I’ve been watching you!
~standing ovation~ 🙂
I’m thinking this struck a familiar chord with you, EC. Am I right?
Like you sneaked into my mind and spoke from similar experiences in my life. Thanks for expressing the wisdom in such a fun and eloquent manner. Gotta love middle age. 😉
You just have to make fun of what happens to our minds as we age. The alternative is no fun.
Wisdom number 2 is one for the ages. I hate it when that happens.
I can’t tell you how many things I’ve misplaced, Big Al. I know they are around here someplace…maybe we need to move again. I always find things when we move.
I read this while nodding my head—especially the one about cooking for five. I am glad I am not the only one………!
The kids haven’t lived with us for years and years, Winsomebella, yet I can’t seem to master the art of cooking for just the two of us. Thanks for understanding.
Re: #2 – I try so hard to be super organized for Christmas–like get all the Christmas presents bought during the year. You know what’s coming–what did I buy? for whom? and where are they? Christmas morning minutes before the family came downstairs for Christmas morning, I remembered 3! Thank goodness for gift bags and tissue paper. It’s gotten so my daughter asks, “Now Mom, is everything under the tree?” Sheesh…
LOL, Georgette! Glad I have company.
#8!, too. This is a great list!
Our food budget could be so much less, Georgette, if I could get it through my head that two people don’t need to eat four pork chops or devour a pound of pasta. You would think that wouldn’t be so hard.
I so value your wisdom. Cant wait to hear more of it. Thank you for sharing it!
I’m always ready to share, Country Wife.