At the start of a new year, it is always nice to reflect on life and the lessons it has taught you. Since my birthday occurs at the beginning of the year, it makes this yearly stock-taking seem all the more appropriate. I also feel that we older people have a responsibility to pass on our wisdom to those of you who do not have the insights gained from advancing age, and so, in the spirit of magnanimity, I will briefly share some with you.
1. Throwing a Swiffer dusting sheet into the dryer will not make your clothes soft and wrinkle-free. (Note: The reciprocal axiom is that fabric softener sheets on your Swiffer mop will not pick up dust on your floors.)
2. If you put something away for safe keeping, it’s a good idea to write down where you put it. Of course, this assumes you will remember where you wrote it down or even if you wrote it down.
3. Take the pizza cutter out of the pizza box before you throw the box away, especially if it is the Pampered Chef one, the holy grail of pizza cutters. Blaming your houseguests for stealing it can therefore be avoided. (So sorry, J and A. My bad.)
4. Newer ovens automatically shut off after twelve hours
of being left on of continuous use. Apparently.
5. If you come out of the store and can’t find your car in the parking lot, don’t panic. It is likely you walked.
6. Remember when you laughed at your mother for wearing elastic waist pants? Shame on you.
7. If you forget to take your glasses off when you get into bed at night, and your spouse makes some “cute” remark about it, tell him you just wanted to see who you were sleeping with.
8. Someday you will learn to cook for less than the five of you. Until that day, enjoy the leftovers.
9. Don’t wait to use those special pottery dishes until they are to0 heavy for you to pick up.
10. Think young. It takes more energy to think old.
From time to time, I may share more of my wisdom with you. If, at that time, my thoughts seem peculiarly similar to those above, you will be kind enough not to point that out. Won’t you.