A Youthful Regret

Every few months or so, I go through a closet or drawers and get rid of stuff I don’t really need to hang on to. I’m close to getting rid of some of my notebooks from my days as a middle school dean. Yesterday I came across a folder my dad had kept on me with my report cards, awards, old pictures, and such. I found a newspaper clipping of me with other winners of a piano competition that had been held at Yale one spring. I was probably a freshman in high school at the time. It brought back many memories.

I started piano lessons when I was ten, full of enthusiasm and desire to be great it it.  Mrs. Guthin, who had studied under someone like Bela Bartok or Zoltan Kodaly in Hungary as a child, was just the right teacher for someone like me.  She was very demanding and expected perfection.  I tended to be lazy, but I was also fearful of getting fussed at.  So I had to work hard or suffer the consequences at the next lesson.  I had some natural talent, but most of my success was due to hours of practicing and my desire not to disappoint my teacher.  With each lesson, she became more and more convinced that I would some day be an excellent performer, maybe even a virtuoso.  But I couldn’t let down for a moment. The more excited she became over my growing talent, the harder I practiced in my effort not to disappoint her. Sometimes I felt as if I were deceiving her. Did she really think I had so much natural talent? Did she realize how much I practiced?

When I memorized a piece, only my fingers retained the memory, not my brain. I could remember nothing of chord progressions and theory. I knew if I were to forget a piece in the middle, I would have to go back to the beginning and try again. The only way I could memorize a piece was to play it over and over until my fingertips automatically picked out the right keys.

Mrs. Guthin’s best friend was also a piano teacher. This friend had a prize pupil whose name was Barbara. Barbara was a natural talent. I knew she was better than I was, even though I usually tied her or even surpassed her in many competitions. But I knew it wouldn’t be long before I reached the peak of my abilities and Barbara would continue to soar.

I was Mrs. Guthin’s best. Barbara was Mrs. Guthin’s best friend’s best. And we were at the same level. You can imagine the rivalry and the pressure. The difference was that Barbara desired to be great for herself, and I wanted to do it for Mrs. Guthin.

Finally, in my junior year of high school, I could take the pressure no longer. I hated the endless hours of practicing. I was tired of Mrs. Guthin telling me I would go to Oberlin College and major in music performance and become a virtuoso performer. I hated her disappointment in me when I failed to perform to her satisfaction. Most of all, I hated the realization that I just wasn’t talented enough.

I changed teachers that year. My mother, bless her heart, was understanding and became the intermediary to break the news to Mrs. Guthin. My new teacher was our church’s organist. Though a talented performer, he was a rotten teacher. He had no hopes or dreams for me. It was a job to help supplement an inadequate income. Nothing more. I lost interest and quit halfway through the year. I always regretted leaving Mrs. Guthin. Sometimes, a good teacher can give you motivation that you wouldn’t otherwise have.

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Snap Decisions

I am not good at making decisions. One reason is because I want to make everybody happy. If someone asks me where I’d like to go to dinner, I usually say, “Oh, anything’s fine with me. You pick.” Same thing with movies, which is why I seldom ever get to see a chick flick. The other reason I hate to make a decision is because I’m afraid it won’t be the right one. My husband tells me not to worry about that because we can usually fix a decision I regret. Once we lived with the most gawd-awful psychedelic shade of blue in one of our bathrooms in San Antonio because I didn’t want to admit that the color I had chosen was hideous. Hubby said never again will he let me live with a color I hate. We’ll just repaint immediately. That helps me be bolder when it comes to redecorating now.

With this aversion to making decisions, imagine my surprise when I made a snap one yesterday. My husband and I went to the Home and Garden Show at the convention center here in Virginia Beach. Have you ever been to one of those? They are such fun! Companies who sell items and services for the home, such as kitchen remodeling, patio covers, landscaping, etc., come together, and show their products and hold drawings for gift cards and goodies. The very first product we came to was a demonstration of a steam mop. I’ve been researching those lately and know they are supposed to be excellent for cleaning hardwood floors. The floors in our entire house are hardwood bamboo, upstairs and down.

imageThe demonstrator showed how the mop worked on different types of floors and how it also cleans carpets. “Carpets?” I asked. “Will it clean a wool area rug?” He told me it would be ideal for that job. Since I had just gotten an estimate of $75 to have the area rug in our living room dry cleaned, I was excited by the prospect of using this product for not only my bamboo floors, but my area rugs as well. But wait! Then the demonstrator showed how we could use this steam mop, without its handle, to also steam-clean upholstery. My husband had recently asked me to get some quotes on what it would cost to clean our two sofas and four chairs. I hadn’t gotten the quotes yet, but I know it ain’t cheap. So this product could clean my floors, my rugs, and my upholstery. Be still, my heart!

I whipped out my credit card, lifted it high in the air over the crowd and nearly screamed, “I’ll take one!” My husband was slightly shocked. “Wow!” he said. “It’s not like you to make a snap decision like that!” His comment made me nervous since he was right about it being so out of character for me, and I asked him if maybe I shouldn’t have bought it. He reassured me that he trusted my decision. But he was still shaking his head and grinning as we headed to the next booth, one that was selling a stove-top grill. The man was cooking vegetables, chicken, and boneless pork chops on it. It was fast, healthy, and the food was delicious. My husband asked many questions about it and was quite impressed. Unlike me, however, we walked away without buying it. My husband does not make snap decisions. He waited until we were about to leave before he headed back to that booth and purchased that sucker.

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The Soul of a Musician

Adele, Adam Levine, Jason Mraz, and Ingrid Michaelson are just a few of the musicians I’ve been listening to lately in an attempt to update myself on popular music, so I won’t seem so square to my granddaughters. Music is these very talented individuals’ livelihood. But there are other musicians out there who can’t make a living from their musical passion. They may be doctors or lawyers, teachers, grocery clerks, or housewives who play an instrument or two, some very well and some very poorly, and it matters not to them that they don’t sound like professional musicians. They just like how music makes them feel. They are like writers who have no choice but to write. Musicians have no choice but to play.

imageLast night my husband and I had a date night. We went to a little local pub for fish and chips and to listen to some amateur musicians play Irish music. It wasn’t a large group: two fiddles, an Autoharp, a banjo, and a man who played both the guitar and penny whistle. Every seat in the pub was filled for this weekly Wednesday night occurrence. Sometimes more musicians show up. They began with “Red-haired Boy,” a popular Irish tune, and then each musician took turns choosing a song and being the featured player. Some were beginners, and others were quite experienced. I understood their need to be there. I gave birth to three musicians.

I remember when one of our sons went to law school in Boston. We were still living in Texas at the time, and I was worried about how hard it would be for my son to adjust to a big northern city and the frigid weather, plus the difficulty of law school. He called a few weeks after he was settled, and I asked him how things were going. “Great!” he answered, excitement in his voice. Ah, he’s liking school, I thought. Then he continued, “We found a drummer!” He had not wasted any time in getting together with other musicians to play. Even when a musician cannot make a living from music, the passion never dies. I know. I may take my violin in to get repaired this weekend. You never know when that neighborhood pub may need an extra fiddle.

P.S. I was saddened to hear of Van Cliburn’s passing yesterday. My husband and I were privileged to have heard him perform at Trinity University in San Antonio. We remember that dynamic, passionate performance so clearly and his sense of humor. After numerous encores because we, the audience, kept clapping until he played another piece, he played a short waltz and said, laughing, “Go home!”

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Red Sky at Night

Last night we had the most beautiful sunset and I wanted to share it with you. It seemed as if the sky was on fire.

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My mother always loved sunsets.  She grew up in the hills of Kentucky and lived nearly all of her married life in Connecticut.  Though those are two beautiful places, there were always so many trees, she seldom saw a great expanse of unbroken sky. Four years before she died, she and my father moved to Texas to join my sister and me in San Antonio. I remember the first time she saw a gorgeous sunset there. She gasped and said she had never seen one as beautiful. The sky seemed so much bigger to her. I always think of my mother now when I see a breathtaking sunset. Here’s one for you, Mama.

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Children are Strange

Why is it that at a certain age, children who used to be perfect photographic subjects, change into children with cheesy smiles? One day you can take a lovely picture of them, and the next day, and for at least a year thereafter, you cannot get a decent picture of them from the neck up.

Take my short little friend next door. I have great shots of that great little face of hers. But like a switch was just thrown, now I cannot get a good picture if my life depended on it. What’s more, every time she comes over, she wants me to take her picture. I now have a whole digital file of cheesy smiles. Even when I show her what her picture looks like, she tells me it looks really, really good. That’s another thing about kids: There is not a modest bone in their little bodies.

This past week, after I took her picture, I told her she was squinting her eyes so much, it looked like they were closed. “Open your eyes next time,” I said before I took the next shot. This is what I got:
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My dear little friend is not the only child, of course, who does this. If you were to peruse your own photo albums, I’m sure you would find scads of pictures of your own children or grandchildren when they were going through the cheesy smile phase. You just have to weather it until they get over themselves, which for many children could take a fairly long time. I went through a few albums of my own and did notice some similar faces, such as this one of my youngest:

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I couldn’t find any of those kind of pictures of my middle child, but he was a rather serious little fellow. My daughter also didn’t have too many cheesy smile pictures when she was growing up. However, I think that was because she saved them for her later years, such as her sixteenth birthday. SCAN0967 I’m supposed to visit her in a few weeks. I hope she doesn’t rescind her invitation.

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We Were Young Once

On Valentine’s Day my daughter and her family went to a Maroon Five concert. Whenever I visit them, my daughter and granddaughters play music in the car that I have never heard. They know all the words by heart and sing them with gusto. So yesterday, as I was cleaning house, I created a new Pandora station called Maroon Five so I could listen to their kind of music. I’m tired of being square. If you don’t know what Pandora is (it might only be a US thing), it’s an Internet radio station with a twist. You create different “stations” by entering an artist’s name, or a group, or a song track. Pandora plays what you entered as well as other artists, groups, or songs that are similar to what you’ve chosen. Prior to yesterday, my Pandora stations were Vivaldi, Carol King, Dave Brubeck, and the like. Now I’m finally moving into the 21st Century.

I was always a big Bob Dylan and Simon and Garfunkel fan, and the classics “Blowing in the Wind” and “Sounds of Silence” are still haunting. I was eager to see if the music of my daughter’s and granddaughter’s generation would hold important messages on life just as the music did when I was growing up. At first, as I listened to my newly created Pandora station, I found it hard to understand many of the words. But as I was dusting, I caught the refrain of one of the songs. The only part I heard was, “We Are Young. So let’s set the world on fire. We can burn brighter than the sun.”

Suddenly, without warning, tears stung my eyes and I had to make an effort to get ahold of myself. We were young once, too. We thought we would set the world on fire. How did the time and that vision get away from us? There I was, dust rag in hand, feeling every minute of my 64 years, sad that I had no hopes of setting the world on fire. What wonderful lyrics! I envied the young people whose song that was for, their whole lives ahead of them, dreaming of how they could change the world.

I had to know the lyrics of that song I had never heard before. I wanted to memorize it and be able to sing it as easily as I could sing every Ian and Sylvia or Peter, Paul, and Mary song. I wanted to grasp that feeling of burning brighter than the sun. I Googled the song title and found it was sung by a group called Fun. Then I read the lyrics:

Give me a second, I
I need to get my story straight
My friends are in the bathroom
Getting higher than the Empire State
My lover she is waiting for me
Just across the bar,
My seat’s been taken by some sunglasses
Asking ’bout a scar
I know I gave it to you months ago
I know you’re trying to forget
But between the drinks and subtle things
And the holes in my apologies
You know I’m trying hard to take it back
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I’ll carry you home

Tonight,
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
Than the sun

I quickly dried my tears and started singing Dylan’s, “The Times They Are A’Changing.” Setting the world on fire is overrated anyway.

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Pizza and Pistols

imageHey, you wanna go get a pizza with me?  Yeah?  Well, grab your gun and let’s go.  You heard me right—I said to grab your gun.  There’s a pizza shop right here in Virginia Beach that offers a 15% discount to customers who walk in toting a gun or their concealed handgun permit.  The owner got the idea from an ice cream shop in Utah that thought of this brilliant idea first. He says that since he instituted the discount last Friday, about 80% of his customers have taken him up on his offer. So let’s get on board! I know I will feel so much safer sitting in a pizza restaurant with 80% of the people around me carrying weapons. Won’t you?

I would have thought a story like that was an April Fool’s joke if it were April 1st, but it’s not. I saw it on the front page of the local section of our newspaper this morning, along with a huge picture of a gun-toting grandmother. I can tell you that will definitely be a pizza shop I won’t be going to. I wonder how many of those gun-slinging patrons would be squawking about the inappropriateness of a woman breastfeeding in a restaurant. I can hear them now. “Breasts have no place in public.” But guns do.

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Tested by Fire

We did not get to see our brand new great-nephew this past weekend because he had to go back to the hospital to be put under the bilirubin lights for a case of newborn jaundice, a common occurrence, but nonetheless hard on new parents who just want to take their baby home and start being a family.  My niece sent me a picture of the Little Dude with his shades on under the lights, and it looked like he was squawking. How stressing for new parents to have to sit and watch their baby cry and not be able to pick him up. He’s home now, though, and I think all is well, or will be, once they get into a flow.

Though our own two little guys had to go back to the hospital for hernia operations when they were a few months old, I don’t remember having to return any of our children within the first few days. There were times when they were older when we might have liked to return them, but my husband says we waited too long, and the Manufacturer’s warranty had long run out.

When we had our first baby, we were only 23 and 24. We had no money saved and lived in a one-bedroom apartment until less than a week before our daughter, Emily, was born. We had just moved into our two-bedroom place when I went into labor. I’m pretty sure we had to use a credit card to get our newborn out of hock. When I was teaching, if someone asked me about my children, I would ask them if they were talking about my students or the kids I bought on credit.

My grandmother and our three children, 1979.

My grandmother and our three children, 1979.

Parenting is darn hard. No instruction book comes with your kids, and one-size-fits-all doesn’t work anyway. As my daughter, a mother herself, has said many times, you do the best you can and hope all your mistakes can be fixed in therapy.

If you’re lucky, you have a host of other people who help you with parenting, even if you or they aren’t aware of it. Obviously, grandparents and aunties and uncles can take over some of the burdens or parenting, but good teachers and friends can be positive influences as well. They all help fill in the gaps that we parents have. As a parent, you can’t be 100% all the time, no matter how much you try. I thank God that he put so many wonderful people in my children’s lives as they were growing up, particularly an incredible friend, now in her eighties, who was like an Auntie Mame to them. And my middle child’s godparents, bless their hearts, who always believed in him, encouraged him, and helped him out financially at times.

My newborn grand-nephew

My newborn grand-nephew

It does, indeed, take a village to raise up a child. My husband and I are so happy that we get to be part of the village who will be raising this precious child.

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Kitchen Tables Are Special

The first furniture I bought when we got married was our kitchen table and chairs. The New England pine table was made by a craftsman in his workshop near Redding, Connecticut, and it had not one nail in it, only pegs and screws. It’s nearly impossible to come across furniture like that nowadays.

I remember the details so clearly of finding and buying that table. I had just graduated from the University of Connecticut and was working as an editor for an educational publishing house in Westport. Besides publishing books, we also made instructional films for teachers, modeling the reading approach of Dr. Lydia Duggins whose book we were publishing. One of my tasks was to take the program to the schools which had purchased it and gather data on how it was working. One such trip sent me up Route 7, through fairly rural communities, and I happened to pass the furniture workshop. On the way back, I stopped in.

Newlyweds at our kitchen table:  My sister, my husband, my mother, and me.  My father took the picture.

Newlyweds at our kitchen table: My sister, my husband, my mother, and me. My father took the picture.

The furniture was breathtaking. The craftsman was obviously an artist. He had pieces he considered his standards, but he also made custom items. If you could draw it or describe it in enough detail, he could make it. The table I chose was a drop-leaf trestle table. When both leaves were up, it was 48 inches round, big enough to accommodate our parents when they came to visit, as long as both sets didn’t come at the same time. We bought four chairs, all we could afford, and when my sister came with my parents, we had to use a folding chair. All of the furniture in that first little second-floor apartment was rented except for our kitchen table and chairs.

I would show you a better picture of that table if I could, but my daughter has it now. My parents fell in love with the furniture that craftsman made, and they bought enough furniture from him to furnish their dining room, bedroom, living room, and guest room. When they both were gone, my brother, sister, and I divided up their furniture, and I took the dining room set. Since their table was similar to mine, I gave our table to our daughter. I think of all the dinners my husband and I had on our little pine table when we were a young couple, just starting out. How we invited our folks up and made “fancy” dinners for them, like American chop suey (ground beef, elbow macaroni, cheddar cheese, and a can of tomatoes), and felt like such big shots because we were married and had a place of our own. Then we started having kids, and we had to buy a fifth chair. Even though my daughter no longer uses that table in her kitchen, I hope she keeps it and passes it down or gives it to one of her brothers.

Our kitchen in Texas easily accommodated our big work table and my parents dining room set.

Our kitchen in Texas easily accommodated our big work table and my parents dining room set.

The kitchen table we use now is a 36×72-inch butcher block counter-height work table. It is way too big for our small, narrow kitchen, but I can’t bring myself to part with it. Our kitchen in Texas was plenty big enough to accommodate both the butcher block table and my parent’s dining room set. The work table was purchased in Texas when I was one of the chefs at a tea room. The restaurant had a work table there that I fell in love with it. We bought one just like it, and besides being the place where I did all my food prep and bread making, it became the social center of the house. We ate all our meals on it, and even when we had guests, they wanted to sit at that table, as it was more casual than the dining room one. Every Christmas we threw a big fiesta, and that table was laden from end to end with fajitas, King Ranch chicken, machacado, and other things that are familiar to us Texans. So many years with family and friends gathered around it, eating, laughing, discussing, sharing…if I gave it away or cut it down, I’m afraid my memories would go with it. When I sit at it now, I look across the table and see my sweet husband, George. But I can also look to my right and to my left, and still see those three great kids we raised sitting there with us, night after night, through those many years of growing up. A lot happens at kitchen tables. Kitchen tables are special.

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A New Birth, and a Rebirth

Jefferson 1Born on the birthday of a great president and named after another one, our little great-nephew has a big name to grow into. He arrived a little after 9 P.M. last night, healthy and beautiful. We are not surprised at what a beautiful baby he is, of course, because his grandparents and his great-auntie and great-uncle are so good-looking. Oh, and his parents had a little something to do with that, too. This is one of the very first photos taken of him, but when this auntie gets to see him soon, she will take many more.  My brother and sister-in-law are back at the hospital with him, their very first grandchild.  They have promised to share.

Now here is the picture of the rebirth. Okay, so it’s our dining room, but it has taken us four or five weeks to finish it after stripping wallpaper, scrubbing glue off the walls, repairing the walls, sanding, and painting. I feel like it’s a rebirth.

Our dining room is finally finished.

Our dining room is finally finished.  Click to enlarge.

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