A Big Thank You!

Yesterday I was Freshly Pressed for the first time, and it was exhilarating.  More than anything, the experience brought home to me what blogging is all about.  It is about making connections.  It is about sharing, about touching lives and being touched by theirs.  It makes our world seem smaller and my life seem larger.  I know the exhilaration will fade in a few days, but my understanding of and appreciation for blogging will not.

I have heard from people all over the world, and for the most part, we are so much more alike than we are different.  I try to write about universal experiences most of the time: daredevil brothers, strong-willed elders, the antics of children, being a parent.  Many of the comments had a common thread:  I brought back memories, or whom I wrote about reminded them of someone else they knew.

I’ve been blogging for almost eleven months and am just now developing a small but faithful following which is reciprocated in my following their blogs as well.  This group feels like friends.  Most of them are on my blogroll, but not all because my blogroll was getting pretty lengthy.  Through Freshly Pressed I have connected with a host of new bloggers and now I’m eager to see what they are up to.  If you took the time to post a comment, thank you so much.  I’m determined to answer every one of you and click on your site.  It will take me awhile, but I’m looking forward to it!

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A Mind of Her Own

Every Sunday we call my mother-in-law to see how she’s doing.  She lives in Connecticut while we live states away in Virginia, and though we are certainly closer than we were when we lived in San Antonio, it is still a nine-hour drive to get to see her.  We’ve managed to make that drive nearly every three or four months since we moved here two and a half years ago, but the older Mom gets, the more time we wish we could spend with her.

She will be eighty-five years old this year.  Whenever we talk to her, though, we find fewer reasons to worry about her.  She seems to have life under control.  Take this most recent conversation with her:

“Hi, Mom.  What’s new?”

“I was baking my honey cake to take to church, and my oven gave up right in the middle.  I had to go to the store and buy a poppy seed cake.”

“Oh, no!  Guess you’ll have to have it fixed.”

“No, I’m not going to fix it.  It’s been fixed once already.  It’s too old, just like me.”

“So you’ll have to buy another one.  At least it’s a wall oven, so you don’t have to replace the whole stove.”

“No, I’m not buying another oven.  Why do I need another oven at my age?  I have the microwave and my stove and my little toaster oven.  That’s all I need.  From now on, I’m not cooking for anybody (my husband’s three sisters and their families live near her).  No roast beef for them.  Let them eat ham.  That’s all I’m making for them.  Just ham.”

“Good idea, Mom.  If they call and want to come over for a big dinner, you just have to say, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, but I don’t have an oven anymore.  I can’t cook for you.’  Maybe they’ll take you out to eat.”

“Susie, I like the way you think!”

Yes, Mom may be old, but she’s feisty!

My mother-in-law and me

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Shouldn’t We Be Dead By Now?

“Stop!” I shouted.

My five-year-old neighbor flinched, then froze as she stared at me in confusion.

“Put that down and back away slowly!”  We had been playing with her bubble machine in my front yard, and her legs and hands were gooey with the liquid soap.  I had turned on the hose to wash her off, but before I could turn the faucet off, she grabbed the hose and, horror of horrors, bent over to take a drink.  Mercifully, before the poison liquid could reach her lips, I had gotten her attention (actually, I think I freaked her out) and she dropped the hose.

I think back to my early years in Connecticut when we used to drink from the hose on a regular basis, my brother and I, as well as the neighbor kids.  We’d squirt each other, take a drink, squirt each other some more, take another drink.  Many of us actually put our mouths on the vile thing.  We had no idea that we were making mush out of our brains from the deadly lead that might have leached into the water from the hose.  Thankfully, I’ve read about that danger in my adult years as well as many others that I never thought about growing up.  It’s a wonder that any of us are still alive.

When I was growing up, we lived half a mile from the beach and would walk there nearly every day.  My mother made sure we were armed with a hefty supply of Coppertone (was there any other suntan lotion when we were growing up in the ’50’s and ’60’s?), but as a teenager, I remember bringing baby oil and iodine to encourage a golden tan.  Mind you, I am as fair as they come with hardly an ounce of melanin in my body, but I kept trying to tan instead of just freckle.  My brother and I would blister every summer, then take turns peeling each other’s back to see who could get the biggest piece of dead skin in one single piece.  I went to the dermatologist last week for the first time since I was a teenager, sure I must be riddled with skin cancer after all those early years of abuse, but I had not one suspicious spot.  How is that possible?

In April, when I was visiting my daughter, I made cookies with my granddaughters (okay, so my eyes aren’t as good as they used to be.  I really thought that was sugar, not salt), and the girls wanted to lick the spoon and the bowl.  When I said they couldn’t because I had used raw eggs in the batter, my daughter laughed and said, “Mom, you used to let us lick the spoon all the time when we were growing up.”  That was before I knew of the dangers of raw eggs.  I was ignorant then; now I’ve no excuse.

We rode bikes without helmets, rode in cars without seat belts, had dime-store turtles for pets until we found them weeks later shriveled up behind the couch after they’d escaped, never knowing they carried salmonella, played with mercury, watching it roll around like magic, and countless other things that we now know are potentially harmful or fatal.  I’m afraid to read another article that will reinforce what terrible parents I had or  we were, letting our kids do so many dangerous things.  In their and our defense, we never knew any better.

And now I heed every cautionary statement.  That’s why I was a little shaken this past weekend when I went to my brother and sister-in-law’s house for my niece’s bridal shower.  My sister-in-law, her sister, and I had just picked up a fruit arrangement from Edible Arrangements.  It was a large arrangement of fruit assembled to look like a floral bouquet.  The car was packed to the gills with presents and food we were taking to the shower.  The only spot to put the arrangement was on my lap on the passenger side in front.  As we were driving to the shower, I started reading the cardboard tray into which the fruit had been placed:  “For safety sake, place the arrangement away from passengers, preferably in the trunk.  Never place it on someone’s lap.  The arrangement contains many sharp skewers that, in the event of an accident, could seriously injure someone.”  Yikes!  I thought.  If the airbag goes off, I’m a gonner!

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Numbers

Seagulls on First Landing Beach where the Chesapeake Bay meets the Atlantic Ocean

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My Reality Needs Adjusting

I always feel underdressed when I play with my neighbors.  I mean, I’m wearing old shorts, dorky socks, and my granddaughter’s old hand-me-up Converses, and they’re dressed as a princess and a fairy (sans wings).  I really need to do a wardrobe check before I venture over there.

Yesterday morning, during my once-a-week visit, I also realized I was woefully in the dark about other important aspects of life, such as interspecies marriage.  Did you know that Micky Mouse and a stuffed whale make excellent mates for princesses?  Hey, if no man is around to break the dreaded sleeping spell, leave it to Micky and Softy the Whale to step (swim?) right in.

Such a cute couple

Softy the Whale seems a tad aggressive in the bedroom

I’ve been out of the pretend game too long, I guess.  I’m not grasping the concept.  Judge for yourself from this conversation between five-year-old C. and me while we were playing with her Barbie princesses in her new doll house.

I carried my Cinderella doll into the living room and opened her arms wide.  “Welcome, Ariel,” I said in my best Cinderella voice. “I’m so glad you came for a visit.  I want to show you my new house.”

“Who are you going to marry?” Ariel asked.  Now, I don’t know about you, but if I’d just been invited into someone’s home for the first time, that wouldn’t be the first thing that would pop out of my mouth.

“Marry?” Cindy asked.  “Why, I don’t have any plans to marry anybody.  Now step this way and let me show you my beautiful piano with the gorgeous plastic chandelier.”

“But you have to marry someone,” Ariel said.

“No, I don’t.  I just finished college, landed the perfect job, have a great little convertible and a giant screen 3-D TV.  I’m perfectly happy living here all by myself,” Cindy said.

“But that’s mean,” Ariel said peevishly. “You have to share your house with someone else.  You have to get married.”

“How ’bout I share it with you?  That’d work, wouldn’t it?  You could come and visit whenever you want.  Move in, why don’t you?” Cindy offered generously.

“No, you have to have a husband,” Ariel said.  “That’s the rule!”  I thought she sounded a bit petulant.

“There are rules for that?  Who makes up those rules?”

“They’re just there, that’s all!” Ariel stated with a finality that meant the conversation was over.  “Now, who are you going to marry?”

I looked around the room.  Where’s a Ken doll when you need him?  “Um…I’m at a loss here.  You pick.”

“Micky would be nice.”

“Sounds good to me.”

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Well, It Seemed Like a Good Idea

The day we almost frightened our mother to death started out very much like today, a morning with a sparkling sky, so blue that it looked like it had just been painted and left to dry.  I’ll always remember it as the day Dad’s hammer disappeared.  It was his new hammer, the red-headed one that reminded me of the woodpeckers who lived in our pine tree.

“You play in the yard today,” Mother said to my brother and me.  “I don’t want to go searching for you if I need you.”  She was nine months pregnant with my sister, Karen, and who knew when she would need to rush to the hospital.  My sister was past due and Mother didn’t like to be alone while she was waiting for her to make her appearance.  My brother and I had spent the entire month of June playing in our yard while our friends were at the beach.

That particular day we had run out of things to amuse ourselves, and that’s what got us into trouble.  Actually, it was my brother who got us into trouble while I stood by and watched.  I was afraid to try new adventures, especially if they held an element of danger.  My brother, on the other hand, was fearless.

“How about building a tree house?” my brother suggested.  “I’ve always wanted one.”

“But I don’t know how to build anything and I can’t climb trees,” I protested.

“I’ll do the building, and I’ll even make you a rope ladder to climb up with.  All you have to do is watch and keep me company.”

I was good at watching.  It’s what I liked to do best when I was with my brother.  Besides, where else was I going to go?  So I watched.  I watched him survey all the trees in the yard until he decided on the pine tree in the back corner.  I watched him go into the garage and emerge with Dad’s red-headed hammer, a handful of nails, and one sturdy board.  I watched him start to climb the tree, and half an hour later, I watched him finally make it to the top.

Before I go any further, I should tell you something about this tree.  It was the tallest tree in our yard, towering over the largest maple.  In fact, I’m sure it was the tallest tree in our neighborhood.  That is why it took my brother so long to get to the top.

“Hey, Susan, I can see the ocean from here!”  my brother called.  The top of the tree began to sway under his weight as he shouted excitedly.

“Are there any whitecaps?” I yelled back, longing to be at the beach.  It never occurred to me that my brother was in danger at the top of that old pine tree, clinging to the thin trunk as it swayed back and forth.

“No, no white caps.  It’s low tide because I can just make out the sand bar.”

Mother had been in the kitchen washing the breakfast dishes and singing.  The singing abruptly stopped when she heard my brother’s hollering.  His voice seemed so far away.  And how could he possibly see the ocean when our house was half a mile away?

“Where’s Mark?” Mother asked as she waddled out to the yard.

“He’s in the pine tree,” I said.

Mother searched the tree, shading her eyes with her hand.  “I don’t see him.”

“He’s that little dot way up there at the top.”  I pointed.

“Mark, you come down this instant!” Mother said, grabbing her bulging stomach, her voice rising in panic.

Our neighbor, Mr. Benson, came running over.  “Don’t yell at the boy.  You’ll only make him nervous,” he said.  “Mark, you come down slowly. Take your time, you hear?”

Half an hour later Mark was standing back on Earth, empty-handed, my mother’s arms around him, first shaking him, then squeezing him, then back to shaking him again.  My brother and I didn’t mention the tree-house project, so Dad never connected it with the disappearance of his hammer, a mystery that perplexed him for years after that.  That was fifty-five years ago, but, unless someone has made it to the top of that old pine tree, there should still be one red-headed hammer up there, waiting for a boy to build a tree house.

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As Time Goes By

I used to be a fairly decent pianist when I was younger.  Much younger.  In fact, I was my piano teacher’s top student, and she, herself, had been a student of Bela Bartok.  She wanted (expected!) me to continue my studies at Oberlin Conservatory in Ohio.  The last piece I was studying before I became a musical slacker at age seventeen was Chopin’s Revolutionary Etude.  As I look now at these stubby little fingers and listen to the harsh notes they make on my piano, I marvel that I ever came that far.

Alas, about the only thing I can play now is old sheet music from the Twenties, Thirties, and Forties.  I have quite a good collection from an old friend of ours who lived through most of those days.  The tunes are familiar ones because I heard my parents croon them when I was growing up.  I even sing some of them to my granddaughters as their goodnight songs when I stop in their rooms to rub their backs and kiss them one last time for the evening.  Mind you, my granddaughters are nine and thirteen, but they still love to have me sing to them at bedtime when I visit.

I never paid much attention to the words until I started playing one of the songs last evening.  The song was Irving Berlin‘s “Always.”  It’s my nine-year-old granddaughter’s favorite, but I never knew the second verse until I started to sing along with my playing:  “Dreams will all come true/growing old with you/and time will fly./Caring each day more/than the day before/Till spring rolls by./Then when the Springtime has gone/then will my love linger on.”  I read those words and found myself getting a little weepy.  What a sap you are, I thought.  But, God, I love that man of mine and those words said it all!  I read them again and let a tear or two fall before I sighed, pulled myself together, and turned the page to reveal the next song, Al Jolson’s “Anniversary Song.”

I grabbed another box of tissues.

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The Long Mind-Trip Home

Title page

Image via Wikipedia

In 1759  Laurence Sterne wrote Tristram Shandy, a comical novel which takes stream of consciousness writing to the extreme.  This weekend we took a whirlwind road trip from Virginia Beach to Stratford, Connecticut to celebrate my husband’s sister’s sixtieth birthday, and on the nine-hour trip back Sunday, I felt a kinship to poor Tristram in that my mind wandered from one thing to another along our journey.  I will share a portion of my thoughts with you, for no other reason than that it is Monday morning, I need a blog post, and I had no opportunity to work on one this weekend.

The soundtrack to Sleepless in Seattle is playing on our ipod, appropriate since we have just crossed the GW (George Washington Bridge) and I can see the spire of the Empire State Building across the Hudson.  Billboards assault my eyes everywhere I look.  There’s one that says, “Governor Christie, protect our schools, not our millionaires.”  Interesting and quite convincing since it is paid for by millionairesforchristie.com.  Supports what my husband contends:  Most of the mega-rich are not against paying higher taxes.  Would help our country’s debt tremendously, so why are the Republicans so against it?  Oh, there’s a billboard for a Paul Anka concert on June 9.  He still singing?  Good for him!  And there’s a billboard advertising how great New Jersey is.  “New Jersey doesn’t stink.”  Hmmm…don’t think I would have chosen that as a slogan.  But then, what do I know?  I live in beautiful Virginia Beach.  I’m looking at a billboard for contract-free androids.  Makes me think of how cultural literacy is changing.  When I see something about droids, R2D2 or Commander Data come to mind.  Don’t think that is what the youth of today picture.  A lot of them probably have a Droid while I still have a Stupid phone.  But I just bought one with a slide-out keyboard, so I’m trying to update myself.  We just stopped at Molly Pitcher, nicest service center we’ve ever stopped at on the New Jersey Turnpike.  Never stopped there before.  Who is Molly Pitcher?  I’ve heard of her but can’t remember what she did.  Another nurse, maybe? Note to self:  Look her up.  Now we’re listening to Jose Feliciano.  Come On, Baby, Light My Fire.  I remember seeing him in person.  Incredible performer.

We’ve made it through New Jersey and Delaware and are now in Maryland.  Route 13.  Land is flat as a griddle.  Beautiful farmland and stands of tall trees line both sides of the road.  We pass church after church along the route with names like Miracle Pentecostal Evangelical Tabernacle, Living Word Church of Deliverance, Faith Temperance Holiness Church.  Whatever happened to simple names like First Congregational?  Is that Lead Belly I hear singing In the Pines?  The barns are nicer than many of the houses.  Very few billboards here, not like New Jersey, and they’re placed nearly at eye level.  Just passed one that advertised the “Best Pizza in Town.”  What town would that be, and you can’t tell me that there is more than one pizza parlor in any of these towns on the Eastern Shore.  There’s a billboard announcing “Dreamland Homes.”  I sure hope those trailers aren’t supposed to fit the bill.  We just passed Don Valero’s Authentic Mexican Cuisine.  I’m not convinced.  And there’s a sign for the Wachapreague Motel.  Friday Tanya and the Revolutionaries played.  Drat!  I missed it.

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Wanted: A New Life

This week’s Red Dress Club‘s Red Writing Hood prompt is  about character development.  We’re supposed to write about what our character wants most.  This is my first work of fiction to be posted on my blog.  Seriously.  Everything else I’ve written really did happen.

Dear Ms. Thomas,

I hope you’ve received your gloves by now.  Walter down at the post office said you should have got them by Wednesday.  I’m so glad I got to meet you at the diner.  Sorry again about getting ketchup on your sleeve.  I swear I’m not cut out to be a waitress.  Jerry, my boss, must think so too cause he calls me molasses most of the time.  But whenever I try to go faster, disaster strikes.  Anyway, sorry about the ketchup.  You sure were nice about it.

I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.  I wish I could be more like you.  You’re so sure of yourself.  Did you always know what you wanted out of life?  I sure as heck never wanted to be a waitress, but, well, here I am.  I thought I might like to be a beautician.  You know, have my own beauty shop one day (or salon as those high class ones are called).  Maybe in a big city and have fancy customers.  But there’s not any place to go to beauty school around here and I haven’t saved enough to go anywhere else.

But since I met you, I’ve been thinking I want more out of life.  I know you’re a counselor, so I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but I think I could make a good counselor, too.  I mean, I listen to a lot of people right here in the diner, and they’re always asking me for advice.  Why just the other day, Edna May Froebish asked me if I thought Joe would pay more attention to her if she dyed her hair blonde.  I told her that if she had to do that to get Joe to notice her, then he wasn’t worth it.  Don’t you think that’s good advice?  Mind you, I also think Edna May would look hideous as a blonde with those bushy black eyebrows of hers!

I’ve also been thinking about what you said about God having a plan for my life.  I’ve been asking him daily what that plan might be, but so far I haven’t gotten any revelations.  What if God’s plan is for me to stay right here in Hogwash, Kentucky?  I don’t think I could abide that!  I mean, sometimes I wanna get out of here so bad, it makes my skin itch.

Anyway, didn’t mean to burden you with my troubles cause I know you got plenty of your own.  I hope that new daughter-in-law of yours is starting to come around.  Just kill her with kindness, like I told you.  Mama says if you keep killing a body with kindness, they’re bound to come around sooner or later.  Course sometimes you gotta do it between gritted teeth.

Well, I guess I’d better let you go.  Sure am glad you left your gloves here so I could get to know you a little.  Hope you don’t mind me pouring a little of my heart out to you, but you being a counselor and all, guess you’re used to it.  Just wanted you to know that you inspired me to go after my dreams (once I figure out what they are, of course).  If you get a chance, I’d love to hear how things are going for you.  And sure am sorry about the ketchup.

Your friend, Sabina

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Why Do They Have to Change?

“Miss Susan, don’t you just love cleaning up?  I could work and work and work all day!” five-year-old C. said to me.  She was so cheery, I expected her to break out whistling like one of the Seven Dwarfs.  I was hanging out with my two pint-sized buds while their mother took their baby brother to do errands.  The girls’ room was a disaster after they had emptied every drawer onto the floor.  The older one, C., asked me if I would help her put everything back in order.

They start out so sweet, don't they?

“I love helping Mommy,” C. said.  “When she comes home and sees how clean our room is, she will be very happy.  I like to make my mom happy.  Did you like to do that when you were a little girl?”

I thought back to earlier in the morning when I chatted on the phone with my daughter.  My thirteen-year-old granddaughter had just been grounded for the weekend and would miss the end-of-the-year school party at a friend’s house.  My daughter told me, “She said she didn’t care.  She didn’t want to go to that party anyway.” Hmmm…don’t think my granddaughter cared a hoot about making her mom happy.  And I know for a fact that she doesn’t like to work and work and work all day.  She doesn’t like to work for five minutes!

Does someone up there just pull a switch when kids reach a certain age?  Where does the manual say that when a child approaches teenager status, she turns from an agreeable bundle of sweetness to a snarly, pouty, mouthy young adult?  In fact, where is that manual anyway?  I think some enterprising parent should keep notes as the kids are growing up and write down all the scenarios that could arise and the best ways to handle each.  It wouldn’t help that parent, of course, but think of the bucks young parents just starting out would pay for a foretaste of what’s to come.  I’d do it myself, but I’m still trying to black out some of those moments.

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