Mirror Image

As I was pulling out of the driveway this morning on my way to the store, I saw my neighbors outside with their youngest child, a little boy who is three. They are my neighbors with the three children who like to spend time with me. I have written about the girls many times. The parents had been exercising, and the father, who has been on vacation this week and has had more time to spend with his family, started jogging. I looked back in my rear view mirror and saw the three-year-old take off after his dad, his tiny legs pumping as fast as they could go, trying to keep up. I started to laugh. And then I almost cried. That was our little family not so long ago.

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

I know we appreciated our children when they were growing up. We cherished them, loved them to pieces, but we were also caught up in the daily struggles all families are caught up in. The pace of family life can be frenetic sometimes. The years slip away from you, and before you know it, you’re…me. Now the pace of my life is more controlled. It is a sweet time of life in many ways. I don’t have the responsibility anymore of raising children. But I don’t have the joy, either.

When George and I are at the beach or at the movies, we notice families with young children, and sometimes we look at each other and smile and say, “That was us.” But it is a wistful smile. Both of us miss being parents to young children. Teenagers, not so much.

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“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time.  I think I’ve forgotten this before.”             —Steve Wright

I’ve been working on the annotated picture album I mentioned a couple of posts ago, and it hasn’t been easy. When I look at some of the pictures, I can remember the events with such clarity, I feel I am right there. Other pictures make me scratch my head and ask myself, “When was this taken? What were we doing then?” I’m also finding huge gaps in time periods. I have pictures of my firstborn right after she was born, and then the pictures jump to the birth of my second child two years later. What happened to those two years in between? I have a feeling they were captured on slides which we never converted to digital prints and may never see because they have deteriorated so much over the years. Sitting in a hot garage will do that to slides, but we have nowhere else to store them.

Yesterday I sat down with my husband so he could see the progress (or lack of) I’ve made with the album so far. Over a glass of wine, we talked about the time period those pictures captured. My husband’s memory has always been better than mine (older memories, that is. He has trouble remembering something I told him five minutes ago). Once he started talking, not only did the memory of that moment emerge for me, a flood of other memories came with it. And things my husband didn’t remember, I filled in.

What I find about memory is not only do we remember things differently, some things form stronger connections in our mind because of who we are. What might be an important detail for me, might not have been so important to George, so I remember something he doesn’t and vice versa. Memory is attached to feelings, and our feelings can obscure the facts. That is why it takes two of us to fully remember an event. The more we talked, the more I was amazed that memories I thought were lost, reappeared. But I know the fleeting nature of memory, and so I write what details I can so when the time comes that I forget yet again, the words will pull them out of my heart.

imageGoing through an old album and choosing pictures for my annotated project, I came across a Kodak Polaroid shot of George sitting at his desk at the police station in his police uniform. It is faded and grainy, but it is the only picture we have of him in uniform, so it is going in my new album. Why is it the only shot of him in uniform?  All those opportunities we had to take more, and we never took them. We never thought about the future and wanting to record it for posterity. All the years he wore those uniforms, the years I took the collars and cuffs off his uniform shirts, flipped them and then resewed them to hide the worn parts so we could get a little more out of those expensive shirts. And all we have is that one faded picture. Though George and I will never forget those times, it would have been nice to have more pictures to show the children and grandchildren. But we can’t photograph everything.  We can’t carry our cameras around our necks every moment of our lives so we can keep a constant record. That record we carry in our hearts, and we can only share so much of it.

What George and I have decided to do is to videotape some of our talks about the pictures and put them on DVDs and slip them into a pocket in my annotated album. Even if there aren’t enough pictures to go along with our memories, our posterity will be able to hear our voices and see our faces as we talk about the richness of our lives together. Of all the things we could leave our children, I think that would be one of the best.

Posted on by Coming East | 27 Comments

Pulling Out Memories

For years I’ve been saying I need to organize my photographs.  I have many albums with photos falling out of them and big boxes of pictures randomly thrown together, none of them labeled, no details or circumstances noted. The older I get, the more I worry that I will leave this world with all these treasures left in chaos, and my children will throw their hands up in frustration when they come upon them, shaking their fists at the heaven and yelling, “Mom, why were you so disorganized?” I hate the thought of being yelled at, even posthumously.

When my daughter was here a couple of weeks ago, she took the matter into her own hands. She dragged me to a craft store to buy me scrapbooking materials to create my first annotated photo album. “I’m not creative,” I protested. “I won’t be able to do this. It will be a disaster.” All my whining fell on deaf ears. We walked out of Michaels with a ton of supplies, my daughter eager to get me started in the short time we had before her visit was over and my resolve to try had waned.

imageMy daughter is the queen of scrapbookers, and putting a phenomenal photo album together in short order is not only a joy for her, it comes easily. She has artistic abilities I think she inherited from her Uncle Tony and my father. I, on the other hand, didn’t even inherit the skill to draw a decent stick figure. (Mama did teach me to cook, though. Thank you, Mama.) Emily helped me organize the first couple of pages, showing me how to choose a good layout and how to cut the craft paper to the right size and round the corners so it would fit in the slots. She put me under the supervision of my eleven-year-old granddaughter, and the first time I tried to cut the paper on my own, my granddaughter had to take it out of my hands, patiently show me the proper way to put it on the cutting board and how to use the corner-rounder-thingy.

I haven’t had a chance to touch the project since that day because we all left for our D.C. vacation, I had to clean up the house from the kids’ visit, do laundry, go grocery shopping, play the piano, water the plants, straighten my drawers, and then we went away again for our grandnephew’s christening. Finally, yesterday I told myself, “No more excuses,” and, with trepidation, began working on the album on my own.

imageI only had an hour and a half to commit to it, but looking at those pictures and thinking about what to say about them in the small space the binder allows, the time flew by, and I found myself wishing I could push aside all my other responsibilities and devote myself to this one project for a few weeks, nonstop. The memories come flooding back at times, or sometimes they are just a trickle, and I shed a tear or two thinking back to some of those wonderful and long-past times. I know I will come across many pictures, as I work on this project, that I won’t remember in detail. My wise daughter said those will be the times I sit with my husband over a glass of wine, and we both try to pull memories out of our heads. Thank you, my sweet daughter, for making me do this.

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Being a Friend Isn’t Always Easy

I am not a person who needs a lot of friends. A few really good ones will do, and I’ve been blessed with those. Nevertheless, I did find it a little lonely when we first moved to Virginia Beach and I had to start all over trying to find local friends. It’s not easy to begin again in a new place when you are sixty. However, I had the good fortune of finding a friend who shared my interest in music. We got together on a weekly basis, and all seemed to be going splendidly until we had a falling out nearly a year ago. I invited her over several times after that, but she always found some excuse, and finally I stopped asking.

Recently, much to my surprise and her beneficence, she has renewed our friendship. But you never forget the incident that drove you and your friend apart. Even if you don’t remember the exact details (I still do), you remember the hard feeling, and you walk on eggshells for awhile until you feel each other out and know what ground you stand on.

In our case, the confrontation revolved around our mutual love of music. I simply had pointed out to her that she had played the wrong note in a particular piece, and she said she had not. “Did, too,” I responded. “Did not,” she countered. You see where this was headed. I would have backed off, but she was emphatic that she had played the right note and I obviously didn’t know how to read music. I may not be the best musician in the world, but I was certainly the best musician in the house at that time, and I could not let it go. You probably think I am an egotist, but I am quite secure in my ability to read music, and I wasn’t going to let her get away with telling me I didn’t know what I was talking about.

Anyway, that’s neither here nor there. No point getting worked up again about something that’s in the past. I’m just happy to have my friend back. I do enjoy her company enough to ignore her idiosyncrasies, as I’m sure she does mine. It’s difficult, though, because now that I have her back, I see other traits in her character that make me apprehensive.

Today, for instance, when she came over, she proceeded to pick up every fragile thing I own. Then she said she was hungry and wanted a snack. When snack time was over, in my estimation, she said she was still hungry and wanted more. Then she demanded I tell her a story, one I made up in my head with her as the heroine. Then she said we were going to play a game that I didn’t want to play. I offered other suggestions on things we could do, but she said the game was her idea and I had to play it her way. My response to that was, “Oh, yeah? Well you aren’t the boss of me.” See how she pushes my buttons? I try so hard. I really do. Luckily her mom came to the door and rescued me before we had another falling out.

I think maybe she is the boss of me.

I think maybe she is the boss of me.

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Back to Reality

I knew our vacation was over when my husband and I dragged ourselves out of bed at 5:45 a.m. and hit the pavement to resume our early morning walk routine. We have been on vacation with our three children, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, and our two granddaughters. As you probably realized if you are a regular reader, I took a little blogging holiday, too.

We had a few days here in Virginia Beach with our daughter and her family who drove down from Michigan. They love coming to the beach. Unfortunately, it rained every day they were here. Then we all drove up to Washington, D.C. and met the Boston kids  after first stopping at Mount Vernon, George Washington’s home and final resting place, on our way. We had booked hotel rooms for the nine of us several months ago. With everyone living so far from each other, we make it a point to get us all together once a year. I hope there will never be a year that goes by that we can’t make that happen.

The dome in the Capitol

The dome in the Capitol

This past week was typical Washington, D.C. summer weather: hot and humid. We walked all over from morning to evening, starting out fresh and perky and ending up dripping and worn by the end of the day, but we loved every minute of the city and being together. One of the wonderful things about D.C. is that all the Smithsonian museums are free and fabulous. I heartily recommend taking a family vacation there. Though the summer can be uncomfortable, you spend so much time in air-conditioned museums, it makes it bearable. Plus the bonus is that you can eat and eat and eat and never gain a pound because of all the walking and sweating you do!

imageOne of the highlights of the trip was sitting at the base of the Washington Monument to watch the fireworks. Can there be a better place to be on the 4th? The scaffolding you see around the Monument is because of the needed repair due to earthquake damage. There was an incredible amount of people on the lawn, but everyone was friendly and polite and well-behaved. It felt like we were all just small-town people gathered in the town square to watch our local fireworks. After all, Washington DC is our town. The show was one of the best fireworks displays I’ve ever seen.

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Inside the Library of Congress. Click to enlarge.

Inside the Library of Congress. Click to enlarge.

On Saturday, the Michigan kids drove home and my husband and I had an extra day and a half with the Boston kids. We went to the Library of Congress for the first time, and my husband and I both got library cards there. How cool is that to have a Library of Congress reader’s card! The inside of the building is gorgeous. Definitely worth a look, even if you don’t want to take the time to be as cool as we are and get your own library card.

Now all the children and grandchildren are back to their routines as we are. It’s a little difficult to get back to reality after such a wonderful week, but I will savor the memories for a long time.
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Blessings on the Wind

imageWhen I was in Florida last week, my sister-in-law and my niece and I gathered shells on the beach.  The ones we picked were little scallop shells that sea mollusks had piecered a little hole at the top. My niece and I intended to make wind chimes with them by stringing them together with fishing line. Yesterday, I sat out on the patio and did just that.

It was a miserably hot and humid day, the kind that takes your breath away once you step out of the air conditioning. I sat under the umbrella, listened to soft music, and strung my little shells. The solitary activity gave me time to think, and my thinking usually wanders into the realm of “I wish…” I wish we lived closer to the kids, I wish we had enough money so we could hop on a plane anytime we wanted to see family and friends, I wish we could win the lottery so we could pay off all our children’s school loans, I wish, I wish, I wish…

As I was about to enter that realm once again, I looked up and read my little garden sign I had just purchased the week before. It said, “Today I planted gratitude, and grace began to grow.” I laughed at myself, and instead of thinking about the things I didn’t have, I thought about the things I did have, and each thought was a blessing. With each shell I strung, I thought of something else I was thankful for. Though we don’t live as close to the children as I would like, we live so much closer than we used to and can see them more. I now live close to my brother and his family and get to enjoy his first grandchild. I live near the ocean once again, something I longed for all the years I was away from it. And the list went on and on.

This week the husband of one of my dear friends died, quite suddenly and unexpectedly, in the midst of an outing with friends and family. It made me aware in a real way that we really do not know what is going on in our bodies, and the first symptom that something is wrong could be the one that kills us. It reminded my husband and me that we need to treasure every moment together because we don’t know how many of those moments we have left. Our relationship is one of the sweetest blessings we have.

imageI did not have quite enough shells to make a real wind chime. I will need another trip to Florida for that. But my strings of shells do dance in the wind, so the visual is just as good as the aural would have been. Now, whenever I wander in my garden or see the garden from my kitchen table, I will see my cascade of shells and remember all my many blessings.

Today would have been my sister Karen’s 57th birthday. This post is for you, Karen. Your memory is a blessing.

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Weekly Photo Challenge: “The World Through Your Eyes”

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Paradise is Hot as Hades

Practicing with the rabbi before the ceremony

Practicing with the rabbi before the ceremony. Click to enlarge.

We just returned from a short visit to Florida for a family celebration.  We had a marvelous time seeing my husband’s brother and his three grown children with their families, all gathered in one place for our grandnephew’s Bar mitzvah. The last time we were all together was nearly three years ago, and we remarked that we can’t wait so long between visits. Life is too short—don’t we all say this?

A perfect avocado from my sister-in-law's tree

A perfect avocado from my sister-in-law’s tree

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Click to enlarge.

Florida is an unbelievably beautiful place, it’s lushness rivaling Hawaii, though it does lack Hawaii’s stunning mountains. My sister-in-law walked into her yard and plucked a gorgeous avocado off a tree. She has mangoes and grapefruit, lychee, lemon and tangerine trees, a grapevine growing up a pergola, and palms everywhere. We loved waking up to such beauty every morning.

My brother-in-law’s screened-in pool is long enough to do laps in and float around on a raft until you are pruney and red, as my husband can attest. It was hard to get him out of the pool, in fact. When he came home, he realized how red his front side was and seemed surprised that if you stayed in a swimming pool in Florida for three days in a row without suntan lotion, you could end up with a darn good case of sunburn. I couldn’t blame him, however, because the one thing about paradise that was a little hard to take was the heat and humidity. And this is only June. I suppose, if you have lived in Florida year ’round for a long time, you get used to it. As for me, I need the change of seasons. I need the cool fall days, watching the leaves turning from green to gold and red, a steaming cup of hot chocolate in my hands. I need the hope of a snow day once in awhile. But I also know that deep in winter, I would trade it in for another day in paradise with family.

So cute!  Oh, yes, and my grandnieces are cute, too.

So cute! Oh, yes, and my grandnieces are cute, too. Click to enlarge.

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Does Your Stick Need Waxing?

I may not have a stick of my own, but I know how to handle one, none-the-less. You don’t get to be a woman my age without learning a thing or two.  A stick here in this resort community gets quite a workout. That’s because we like to show our visitors a good time. Of course, our locals use their sticks a lot, too. Nearly every day. Some, if they’re in good shape, can even be seen handling their sticks several times a day, but that can wear a person out, so I wouldn’t recommend it.

Here’s where I want to help you out by suggesting a product that makes stick-handling smooth and effortless, fast, but not too fast, so the enjoyment lasts longer. After all, you want to be flying high for as long as you can. No premature releases, for sure!

The product is called Mr. Zogs Sex Wax, and it is guaranteed to give your stick the ride of its life. It’s sold in many shops along the Oceanfront and online. No, don’t thank me. This is a public service announcement from a little old lady in the resort town of Virginia Beach. I’m not even getting paid for this. Can you believe it? I just want you to have the best time of your life with your stick. So run out and get some Mr. Zogs and enjoy.

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You did know I was talking about surfing, right?

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Boardwalk Art Show

This weekend we went to the 58th Annual Boardwalk Art Show at the Virginia Beach Oceanfront. This four-day festival attracts more than 200,000 visitors, and all the profits go to support our local contemporary art museum. The Boardwalk Art Show is ranked in the top third of fine art shows on the Eastern Seaboard.

Last year when it was art show time, I had just broken my foot the week before and had to be pushed along the Boardwalk in a wheelchair. This time, I got to enjoy the show on my own two feet. The day couldn’t have been more beautiful, and I can’t think of a more stunning backdrop for an art show than the Atlantic Ocean. Here is a sampling of some of the photos I took. Enjoy.

King Neptune almost seems as if he's part of the show.

King Neptune almost seems as if he’s part of the show.

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