Coming East

What It Means To Be a Mother

Posted on December 5, 2011 by Coming East

The other day I opened my old 1940 Episcopal hymnal to the Advent and Christmas section to look for hymns in keys that would be easy to play on my violin. When I came across number 41 (110 in the newer 1982 addition ), I decided to play it on the piano instead because I wanted to hear the lovely harmony by Leo Sowerby, which, by the way, is not found in the newer hymnal, much is the pity. I didn’t get very far before the tears came to my eyes, and soon I had to stop playing altogether, I was crying so hard. Such is the way of mothers, especially old ones who miss their children.

As the notes of this wonderful hymn rang in my ears, I was transported back to Christ Church in San Antonio, Texas, many years ago. I pictured my little family sitting in the pew in the first row of the transept, our usual spot, George near me with Emily and Matt between us and little Ben on my lap, and all of us in the whole congregation singing at the top of our lungs this joyous hymn.

I love Christmas, but it always carries a touch of bittersweetness when I think of how our lives have changed over the years. Of course most of the changes have been wonderful, resulting in happy marriages, an awesome son-in-law and a fabulous daughter-in-law, not to mention my two incredible granddaughters. But the years have also meant that the children grew up and moved away, and I can’t see them whenever I want. My mama arms are so empty.

Most of the time, I am so busy with my Hampton Roads Writers responsibilities, church volunteer work, working out at the Y, tutoring, and my writing, besides trying to be the best wife I can be for my George, that I can push that ache right out of my mind. But then something will trigger a memory, and I am a bawling mess. In this case, it was sitting down at the piano and playing #41 in the 1940 Episcopal hymnal, and remembering one December Sunday morning long ago when we were all together and we all believed the message of what we were singing.

There is a wonderful Youtube video of hymn 41 (or 110) sung by the Mormon Tabernacle choir, but this one is my favorite of this lovely hymn because it is from a service in an Episcopal church and you hear families singing and children talking, so it reminds me even more of when we were a young family.

Posted in Just Blogging | Tagged aging, children, family, home, life, motherhood, personal, relationships, Religion and Spirituality, women | 23 Comments

I Think I’m Mastering This Stillness Concept

Posted on December 1, 2011 by Coming East

I have been practicing yoga for nearly two years now, and though I am by no means an expert, I feel I have gained some valuable insight into its philosophy. If you’re not familiar with the concept of yoga, you may think what is most important are the movements and positions you twist your body into. Not so. According to Erich Schiffmann who wrote the book Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving Into Stillness, “the purpose of yoga is to facilitate the profound inner relaxation that accompanies fearlessness. The release from fear is what finally precipitates the full flowering of love. In this state you will love what you see in others, and others will love you for having been seen.”

In order to experience that profound inner peace and relaxation, we are encouraged to let go of the thoughts that connect us to our worldly concerns and embrace the serenity which comes as we seek to become one with our true selves. During my yoga class today, I felt that I had reached that particular plane of awareness and wanted to share with you my thoughts during that session, in a sort of stream-of-consciousness way, so that you could experience it, too. First, let me set up the lay of the land.

My yoga class is held in a large room in my neighborhood YMCA. The room has hardwood floors and wall-to-wall mirrors at the front and back of the room. I am always early to class because it is imperative that I have the floor space on the back row in front of one of the mirrors so I can monitor my form, and I must be the second person in that row. It is like church. That spot is my pew and nobody better touch it. We usually have twelve to fifteen people, sometimes more, usually women but not always, who are regulars. Our instructor, Sandy, is petite and cute as a button, and she always puts us at ease, reiterating that yoga is not a competition. We should always do what is best for ourselves and let our bodies be the guide to what we can and cannot do. The lights are turned off, the room lit only by the light from the windows, soft music starts playing, and we begin. Here then were my inner thoughts today:

How does K. get her hair to look like that every time she comes? It’s not natural to look that good every time you show up for class. Well, you just wait. She won’t be looking so perfect by the time she finishes this class. Ha-ha! Look at everyone using their right hands when Sandy said we should be using our left ones. Do they not listen or are they just directionally challenged? Wait a minute…I think it’s me. Oh, I like this part, just bending over and letting gravity pull my upper body down. Eew! Gravity is pulling my cheeks down, too. Hate that feeling. Hope no one is looking. I like being next to the mirror so I can look at my form. I’m doing so much better than when I first started. Dang! Look at my butt! Is that tight, or what! Hope everyone is looking. Just wish I hadn’t worn this shirt because it hangs open when I bend over like this. Um…nevermind. It wasn’t hanging open. That was my stomach pushing it out. Hope no one is looking.
Now come on, Sandy. You really expect us to be able to hold that pose for that long? Drat! I see Ruth is not having any trouble. She’s really beginning to annoy me. I’m going to ignore her and just concentrate on my performance like Sandy said. Say, I can stay bent over like this for a long time. Hours maybe. So eat your heart out, Ruth. Hey, I look terrific in the mirror. Just look at my form. My back is straight, not curved like it usually is, my hand is straight in the air, and look how great my hair looks…oh, wait. That’s not me. It’s K. I’m the one with the round back and the hair mopping the floor. Hard to tell who’s who in the mirror when you’re bent over backwards like a pretzel. I hope that clock isn’t right. Maybe it’s broken. Hopefully, it’s broken. Otherwise, I’m never going to make it to the end of class and Ruth will beat me. Oh, yeah, it’s not a competition. Keep repeating it over and over: It’s not a competition, it’s not a competition…oooh, I think Ruth put her toe down when she was supposed to be balancing. Ha-ha! Beat you, Ruth! Well, it’s about time. My favorite part. We get to lay down on our backs and go into the Final Relaxation. The quiet music, Sandy’s gentle, soft voice taking us to that place of peace and calm…Mmmmmmmmmm. DING! DING! DING! Hey! Someone take that mallet and chime away from Sandy. I was nearly asleep.

Posted in Just Blogging | Tagged exercise, humor, life, personal, the Y, women, YMCA, Yoga | 26 Comments

I Don’t Get It, Part 2

Posted on November 30, 2011 by Coming East

A couple of months ago I posted a blog entry entitled “I Don’t Get It, I Don’t Get It.” I think this will continue to be a theme I will return to over and over again as more things come to mind. Today, for instance, as I was changing the sheets on the guest bed in anticipation of my brother and sister-in-law’s visit this weekend, I wondered for the umpteenth time why sheet manufacturers make the width of sheets so short and the length of sheets so long. I can tuck the bottom of the sheet so tightly into the foot of the bed that no amount of tossing and turning (or other things) will dislodge it. Yet if two people are sharing the bed and one of them sneezes, the other one will find himself or herself without even a square inch of the sheet to protect them from the night air. Have you ever had your husband or wife help you make the bed and participated in this scenario?:

“I need to pull the sheet a little more over on my side.”
“Well, I don’t have very much over here either.”
“You must have more than I do. Let me look.” (Walks over to the other side of the bed.) “Oh. I guess not.”

It doesn’t seem to matter how much you pay for your sheets, either. I don’t have longer sides on my most expensive sheets than I do on the ones I got at Target. What’s up with that? I don’t get it.

Another thing I don’t get: Why do instruction books not come with technology products? You have to go on the internet and look at the online version to find out how to use your new computer or iphone or whatever. You could download a copy of it, of course, but it’s usually 7000 pages or so. Have you ever tried to navigate the virtual pages of an online instruction book? Extremely difficult. Plus, even after you finally find the page you need and it walks you through the steps you must follow, you have to get off the page to do what it wants you to do, and by then you’ve forgotten the instructions. I need to be looking at them the entire time or have someone read them to me while I try to figure out what the heck I’m supposed to do.

And foget those Dummy books to solve the problem. Before they even go into print, they are outdated, such is the pace of technology. My husband bought me a brand new ipad2 at the Apple store, and what do you know? Today it prompted me to download a newer version of the operating system. Seriously? I haven’t even had the thing for five days!

So why are these technology companies so chintzy? You spend $800 for an ipad or $1800 for a Macbook, and Apple can’t even give you an instruction book? Hey, Apple—just for your information, my car came with an instruction book. Does that mean if you ever sell a computer that costs $25,000 you will finally give the buyer instructions on how to use it? Just asking.

Posted in Just Blogging | Tagged Apple, computers, humor, life, personal, technology | 22 Comments

It’s That Time of Year Again

Posted on November 29, 2011 by Coming East

Yes, it’s time for the dreaded Christmas letter. When I was still working (with a paying job, I mean), my husband was always the one who wrote the Christmas letter. That was fine with me because I’m not fond of writing them. However, when I retired, my husband left that tradition to me, and not wanting to disappoint him, I’ve kept it up for the past three years.

Some people actually like to write them, I’m sure. Perhaps they’ve taken fabulous vacations to the French Riviera instead of hanging out at their local beach in their L.L. Bean conservative navy blue tankini, or they’ve been to Octoberfest in Munich, not the one held in the clubhouse of their neighborhood association. Maybe they’ve won the Pulitzer Prize, not just finished the crappy first draft of their novel. Yes, these people love to write their Christmas letter.

Besides, if you’ve kept in touch with me all year, you already know all there is to know, so why do I need to rehash it? I can just see your face now as you stifle a yawn. I suppose, if the only contact we have is a Christmas card, then maybe you might want more than my signature. I just wish I had more to give so you would feel reading it was worth the time. If I had to write my letter right now, off the top of my head, this is all I can come up with on the spur of the moment:

Dear ________,

It’s been another fabulous year! Those of us who want jobs have them, and those of us who are retired (okay, that would be just me) are still happy about not having a job. No one has broken any bones or landed in the hospital this year, and George and I still have all our own teeth. Yea for that. Though she’s come close, the youngest granddaughter has not squeezed their little dog to death yet, and the eighth grade one has assured me that she will make it to high school next year, come hell or high water. We visited children, they visited us, and a fun time was had by all. We hope your year has been as exciting as ours, though how that is possible is certainly a mystery. Merry Christmas!

Hey, I just read this over and I think I’m actually finished with my Christmas letter. I wonder if my husband would approve if I just wrote a link to this post at the bottom of each card after I signed our names. Worth a try…

*********************

By the way, in case you are interested, at 4:15 on Tuesday, November 29, I completed over 50,000 words of my novel for a grand total of 202 pages, and now proudly display the National Novel Writing Month Winner badge on my website.

Posted in Just Blogging | Tagged Christmas, Christmas card, family, Holiday, home, humor, life, marriage, opinion, personal, relationships | 36 Comments

I’m In a Foreign Land, So Forgive My Silence

Posted on November 23, 2011 by Coming East

My husband and I have been staying at a lovely bed and breakfast in a foreign land, and I’ve been too busy to write. Every morning we are awoken before dawn as the aromas of fresh brewing coffee, sausages, and fried potatoes with peppers and onions waft up to our loft. We turn up the heat on our electric blanket and snuggle against the chill morning air. Our minds hover between sleeping and waking, and we nearly forget where we are until…

“Bye, Mom.” Slam! (door one) and slam! (door two). Granddaughter #1 is off to school. I lay in bed for awhile longer, wondering how long I can play dead. I creep downstairs and find my daughter savoring her first cup of coffee and a moment of peace before granddaughter #2 needs to get up and get ready for school. Another lunch is packed (that makes three per day for her hubby and the girls), school folder is checked one last time, and daughter heaves a sigh of relief that nothing was missed this time, no brownies she was unaware of are expected today. This time.

My husband and I have been a part of this busy family’s life all week, the trips to school, the grocery shopping, swim practice, gymnastics, volunteer work at school (I was the guest teacher for the art appreciation lesson this morning!), my daughter’s orchestra rehearsal for their Christmas concert, cooking for a busy family and figuring out how to jiggle schedules to make them work and to get everyone where they need to be on time. I’m not really a part of this. I’m just an observer and a tag-along, but I’m amazed at how it all seems to work, though it wears me out just to watch sometimes. Did I really work that hard when I was a young mom?

The rest of my kids come tomorrow and we’ll all be together for this Thanksgiving holiday, talk about something to be thankful for! It will be a boisterous time full of laughter and stories and fabulous food. I have not spent a minute working on my novel and feel absolutely no guilt about it. This family time is infinitely more important. And short.

Before I know it, we will be back home and back to our routine. It will seem too quiet for awhile for my husband and me, but then I will return to my writing and my responsibilities, and life goes on. But for right now, I’m enjoying my time in this foreign land where there is never a dull moment. I used to live in this land once, you know.

Posted in Just Blogging | Tagged family, home, life, motherhood, NaNoWriMo, parenting, personal, relationships, Thanksgiving, women | 29 Comments

Funny What Triggers Memories

Posted on November 18, 2011 by Coming East

This week I reorganized the kitchen cabinet that held all my zip-lock bags, aluminum foil, and food wraps. I found a box of waxed paper I must have bought three years ago when we moved here. I decided to use it when I wrapped my husband’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich I made for him for lunch this morning. I tore off a sheet, leaving enough extra wrap to fold over and over itself until it was snug against the bread, and then I folded the sides into triangles and flipped them underneath. That simple act brought back so many memories.

Roger Sherman Elementary School in Fairfield, Connecticut. My mother always wrapped our sandwiches in waxed paper. My favorite sandwich was balogna with yellow mustard on plain old white bread, Wonder Bread in those days. My brother used to take a piece of that soft bread, wad it up into a little ball, and pop it into his mouth. I’m sure there was nothing nutritious in that balogna lunch, but I wanted it every day, day after day, wrapped in waxed paper. I guess you could say I was full of baloney.

My mother found other uses for waxed paper. We ironed fall leaves between sheets of it, we rubbed the steel slide at school with it to make it faster, and my mother would cut a square of it to wrap around the heel and back of our shoes in the winter so we could get our boots on. Ingenious.

Anyway, I didn’t have anything much to write about because my brain cells have been occupied with NaNoWriMo, as you well know (43,290 words now), but I just had a little thought about waxed paper and I thought I’d share.

Posted in Just Blogging | Tagged home, life, memories, NaNoWriMo, nostalgia, personal, Wax paper, Wonder Bread | 31 Comments

Dead As a Door-nail

Posted on November 16, 2011 by Coming East

We spent this past weekend at my brother and sister-in-law’s near Richmond, and both Saturday and Sunday, we watched as vultures gathered on a dead tree in my brother’s back yard. In a house filled with old people, that’s not a sight you want to see. I finally figured out why they were there. They were there for me. Well, not for my actual body. I’m hoping I still have some good years left. They were there for my dead manuscript. Yes, it is dead in the water, or as Dickens said of Old Marley, dead as a door-nail. After whizzing through the first 30,000 words, I’ve finally run out of steam. My characters stare listlessly back at me, slugging down their gin and tonics, wondering when I will get busy and do my part. After all, they tell me, they wrote the first 30,000 words with no help from me. They invented themselves and set their subplots into motion while I was still sharpening my pencils. “The plot’s all yours, Old Woman,” they say, those little condescending snots.

Now I am sitting here with 40,000 words of rubbish, 170 double-spaced pages, and unless a miracle occurs, I ain’t going to get any further. What’s worse, I think I used up all my brain cells getting those 40,000 words out, because I can’t even think of any decent blog posts. I’m pretty sure my writing days are over. What ever made me think I could write a novel? What a joke! I have about as much chance of finishing this project as I do of becoming a concert violinist (I now have Lightly Row memorized). I might as well throw the whole thing in the trash where it belongs and clean out the garage, a much more worthwhile job. Or I could feed it to those vultures who obviously have been waiting for it. They know when something’s dead by its smell, you know, and my novel stinks to high heaven. Or, maybe I should…WHACK! Ouch! Sorry, I just slapped myself in the face. Time to get back to work.

Posted in Just Blogging | Tagged Charles Dickens, fiction, humor, life, NaNoWriMo, Novel, personal, Writing | 35 Comments

The Flower Begins to Blossom

Posted on November 14, 2011 by Coming East

Image via Wikipedia

Once a week I help a young Vietnamese woman learn English. She comes to my house, and we work and talk for nearly two hours every Wednesday afternoon. She has been in this country for two years now, but since she has no English-speaking friends and the other women in the nail salon where she works speak Vietnamese with her, she has had little opportunity to develop her English skills.

When I first met her, she told me her name was Linda. I said Linda was a pretty name, but it seemed an unusual choice for a girl from Viet Nam. She shyly told me it wasn’t her real name. She just picked it because she didn’t think her American customers would remember her Vietnamese name. When I said I would prefer to call her by her given name, she told me her name was Chi. “What does it mean?” I asked. She said it had no meaning. It was more like, “Hey, you.” I told her that in my t’ai chi class I learned that chi means the life force that is all around us and it is a powerful thing. She beamed and told me she liked that meaning.

It is not easy to teach English to a child from another country, but a young mind is still developing and making neural connections. It is surprising how quickly a child can grasp a new language. Chi is at a disadvantage because for one, she is not a child, and for another, she had to work when she was growing up so she is missing basic concepts that she would have learned in school if she had been able to attend.

I have given her children’s picture books to borrow each week, and I am amazed that every week she returns and has copied the words in the book into a little notebook she keeps. I have told her that she may borrow the books as long as she likes, that she doesn’t have to copy the words, but she says she likes to write them down. Then we discuss what she doesn’t understand. Idioms, obviously, are a source of trouble. At first, Chi was dismayed that she understood so little, but now it is a source of amusement when she realizes the real meaning of an idiom as opposed to what she thought it meant.

I feel like I am back in the classroom when I’m with Chi. I gave her a picture book about the first Thanksgiving, and she couldn’t get past the first page. It talked about how Plymouth Rock got to where it was. I found out she didn’t know what a glacier was or the Ice Ages, or what a continent was. Imagine her delight when I brought out my globe and we talked about Pangaea and she discovered how the continents had fit together. I wish I had seen that same delight in my students’ faces when I was teaching. Our children take education for granted and cannot imagine how many places there are in the world where a basic education is something of a luxury.

When I started working with Chi, I never thought about how much I was going to learn from her. This young woman has so much courage and grace, and I know I am learning as much from her as she is from me.

Posted in Just Blogging | Tagged Education, learning, learning a language, life, Pangaea, personal, relationships, Viet Nam, Vietnamese | 24 Comments

Do We Have To Do This Now?

Posted on November 10, 2011 by Coming East

I hate confrontation. My family knows that about me, and I’m pretty sure most, if not all, of my friends do, too. I especially hate confrontation when it involves people I care about. I’m not usually one to air my dirty laundry in public, but I felt I needed to unload this particular episode, since it is still bothering me. The names are fictitious, except mine, of course.

Eric: I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I don’t like it and you better cut it out.

Me: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Eric: Drop the innocent act, you know perfectly well you’re playing with my head. It’s
making me crazy.

Me: Believe me, Eric, that was not my intention at all. I’m sorry if you feel that way.

Eric: I thought I was likable, and you’ve made me into some kind of monster.

Me: Well, no, not really a monster. Maybe someone who is something of a tragic figure.

Eric: See, that’s what I mean. Make up your mind, and then stick with it. This flip-
flopping has got to stop.

Sarah: Stop your boo-hooing, Eric. You’re getting annoying. At least you have a
personality. I, on the other hand, feel like a goody-two-shoes. You’re spicy
salsa, and I’m just vanilla pudding. So stop complaining.

Me: I’m sorry if you feel that way, Sarah. What can I do to make you feel better?

Sarah: Give me some backbone, why don’t you!

Eric: Stop the cry baby act, Sarah. You know you have a juicy role. You’re her little pet.’

Sarah: Shut up, Eric! I don’t give a …

Me: Stop right there, Sarah! Watch your mouth.

Sarah: Oh, so sorry to hurt your delicate sensitivities. I don’t give a rat’s ass. Can I say
rat’s ass, or will that make you go ballistic?

Me: Please, do we have to do this right now? It’s three in the morning.

Faber: Hi, gang. What are we talking about?

Me, Eric, and Sarah: Go away, Faber!

By the way, yesterday I wrote 5, 200 words and now have a grand total of 31,154. I just wish that when I was done with these characters at the end of the day, they were done with me. Sigh…

Posted in Just Blogging | Tagged fiction, humor, NaNoWriMo, personal, Writing | 20 Comments

More Windows and a Progress Report

Posted on November 9, 2011 by Coming East

It is nearly 10 A.M. and I’ve yet to start on my novel today, so I’m not expecting a big word count. Yesterday I managed to get 4, 235 words written, though, for a grand total of 25, 959. That means I am already past the halfway mark of NaNoWriMo‘s goal of 50,000. I’ve been fretting lately that I don’t have enough tension in my novel yet, so I had a talk with my characters yesterday, and they agreed to shake things up a bit. One wasn’t too happy about it, though, because it sort of will make him a bad guy. Well, maybe more of a troubled soul who does a bad thing.

I wanted to touch base with you today, but I don’t have time to write a thoughtful blog, so I’ll leave you with a few other pictures for this week’s picture challenge.