Lying to Children

Yesterday, as I was walking to the gym for my yoga class, I came across a field mouse, deceased, on the sidewalk. It reminded me of the time many years ago in San Antonio when we had the toughest time getting rid of a pesky mouse who had invaded our home. After many failed attempts at capturing it in a trap, we resorted to sticky paper. The next morning my husband went into the laundry room and found the enraged little beastie firmly attached to the glue. Our youngest son, who was about seven at the time, was right behind my husband and asked his dad if he were going to take the mouse outside and let it go. My husband looked at the mouse who was snarling menacingly, its jaws snapping at him, and said he couldn’t let it go because it would just come back into the house. Our little boy, eyes wide, asked him what he was going to do with it then. “Well…er…I have a friend at the university who works in a lab and likes mice. I think I’ll take it there.” That satisfied our son who pictured the “sweet” little furry creature frolicking with other little mice friends, living out its days in air-conditioned comfort. Of course, you know that was not the fate of that “sweet” little mouse.

Another time, my husband was chopping down ligustrum bushes in the back yard in preparation for putting up a privacy fence. The bushes were so tall and thick, they were like small trees. Unfortunately, they were tree-like enough that a mama finch had made a nest and laid her eggs in the branches. My husband did not see it until my two boys, who had been helping him by picking up the cuttings and piling them in a heap, discovered the nest among the debris with three baby birds in it. One baby was already dead and the other two were barely alive. My husband and sons felt terrible. “Daddy, can we save these two?” our youngest pleaded. “We could put the nest in another tree so the mama can come back for them.” My husband knew it was futile, and the babies were too young to be hand-fed, but looking at his son’s little trusting face, he had to give it a try. So he scooped up the nest and found another ligustrum bush to set it in. The next morning, when my boys went out to check on the nest, the babies were gone. “Daddy, daddy, the babies aren’t in the nest anymore! Do you think the mama came back for them?” My husband went out to look for himself, and after making a careful inspection, he found one baby on the ground, dead, and the other missing. Lurking at the edge of the yard was one of the many cats in our neighborhood, and it was licking its chops. When my husband went back inside, he said, “Yes, that must be what happened. The mama bird came back for her babies.” My son was in innocent bliss. Son, if you are just now discovering the deception, I’m terribly sorry.

Our three (one on each end and one in the middle) and my brother’s two

One can argue that we should always be straightforward with our children and tell them the truth in situations like these. They need to toughen up and learn what life is all about. Yes, I suppose there is some truth in that. But they will have to deal with the harsh realities of life soon enough, and buffering that until they are more able to handle it doesn’t seem like a bad idea. It’s interesting to note that our other son, who is three years older than his little brother, knew his dad wasn’t telling the truth, but he kept up the deception, too, for the sake of his tender-hearted sibling.

I sometimes wonder if our government thinks we are children, too, when they keep telling us things are getting better or that they are working harder for us. I see so many people still struggling and out of work, school debts mounting with no way to pay for them, less money in my pocket because of rising health care costs and no cost-of-living increases in my retirement check, both parties continuing to argue and refusing to work together, and I’m supposed to believe we’re on the upswing? Note to Washington: Guess what? We’re not children anymore.

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My Love-Hate Relationship with Driving

Yesterday my blogging friend, Patti Jarrett, commented on my post that traffic going across the Hampton Roads Bridge Tunnel signaled summer here in Virginia Beach. She is so right, and that made me think about my aversion to driving in traffic, and my aversion to driving in general. It wasn’t always that way.

When I was growing up in Connecticut,  teenagers had to wait thirty days after their sixteenth birthday before they could get their driver’s license. That was because they couldn’t even get behind the wheel of a car until they were sixteen, and the thirty days was to allow them road time to practice. I started driving school a couple of months before that so I could get all the classroom instruction over with before I turned sixteen. As soon as my thirty days were over, I took my driver’s test, sweating parallel parking, and left the motor vehicle office with my license in hand.

I was a good driver, and my parents trusted me to run errands for them or take my little sister places she needed to go. I also could take the car to visit my best girlfriend, Linda who, though a little older, did not have her license yet. I drove my mother’s big blue Chrysler Newport everywhere and whenever she’d let me take it. When I was a senior in college, my dad gave me that big blue car, and I like to joke that it was partly responsible for getting me a boyfriend, who later became my husband, because he didn’t have a car and our school was in a rural area. If you wanted to go anywhere off campus, you had to have a car.

When I graduated from college and got my first job as an editor in a publishing house, my brother left for Vietnam Nam and sold me his little yellow 1968 Volkswagen Beetle convertible.  That was my favorite car of all time. I loved driving the back roads of Connecticut on my way to work in Westport. One morning, my boss, the publisher, came in and gruffly said to all of us, “Who owns that yellow Volkswagen?” Herman Taub was a little intimidating, sort of like Lou, the character Ed Asner played on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. I meekly raised my hand, and said, “I do, Sir.” He responded, “Well, I hit it,” and kept walking into his office.

I sometimes felt like Mary did when I talked to my boss, but I didn’t have as much spunk.

I ran down to the parking lot, and my poor little Beetle’s fender was demolished, crushed by my boss’s huge Lincoln Continental. Since this was in 1971, you can get a picture of how big his car was. Herman gave me one of his Lincoln convertibles to drive while my car was being repaired, and I took that big old car, also a convertible, everywhere, too. I even had to drive it to La Guardia Airport in New York to pick up a package for him.  I didn’t mind. I loved driving.

Now I have disliked driving for many years. I don’t know when or why it changed. I’m sure age has something to do with it. I get nervous that I won’t see a car in my blind spot, or I worry that no one will let me change lanes when I need to make a turn. I hate intersections and I dread driving on highways. Once, when my friend came to visit me, I got up the courage to drive across that bridge tunnel Patti Jarrett was talking about, and my knuckles were white all the way to Williamsburg.

Now that it is nearly summer, the traffic here in Virginia Beach, especially where I live so close to the Oceanfront, will be a nightmare. I have to plan my trips to the grocery store during the small window before the crowds are on the roads. Lucky for me, I live in a place where I can walk to so many things like my doctor or dentist, the library, the market, restaurants, and shops to just poke around in.  I probably put only twenty-five miles on my car each month.  But if someone else drives? Count me in. Believe it or not, I love road trips. Go figure.

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Summer

This was an easy challenge, considering I live in Virginia Beach, a pretty hopping place in the summer. Memorial Day weekend seems to start it all.  This first picture is what Virginia Beach’s Oceanfront looks like all summer:

Oceanfront at Virginia Beach

This next photograph was taken by my father in the mid fifties.  It’s grainy, but it’s one of my favorites and makes me think back to those times every summer when we’d drive from Connecticut to Ohio to visit my grandparents.  Going to the swimming pool with my cousins was an activity I relished.  I am the little girl sharing my ice cream with my youngest cousin. My brother is next to me.

This weekend we took a long walk on the Boardwalk at the Oceanfront and my brother tried out his new camera.  Using his amazing telephoto lens, he was able to capture two great pictures:

Dolphins are a common sight at the Oceanfront.

And, finally, the best reminder of summer is this picture taken when my brother accidentally clicked the shutter while he was adjusting the lens.  At least, that’s what he told my sister-in-law.  Thanks, Brother, for providing me with the best shot for this week’s photo challenge!

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Memorial Day Remembrances

My brother and sister-in-law have been visiting us this weekend, and yesterday we went to the Pungo Strawberry Festival here in Virginia Beach. Pungo is a rural area of our city with many farms close to the North Carolina border.

Drat! If only I had a place to put these planters…

The fair was a small-town affair with its usual array of country crafts, homemade soaps, jams, jellies, and pickles.Food offerings consisted of smoked turkey legs, pulled pork barbecue, funnel cakes, and lots of strawberry shortcake. There was a small midway and a livestock barn. Sadly, we missed the pig races. It was a scene played out in small town after small town across this country during Memorial Day weekend.

Pungo Strawberry Festival

So many choices…

Not quite Coney Island

 

It reminded me of growing up in my own small town of Fairfield, Connecticut. Memorial Day was a festive affair starting with a parade down the middle of the Post Road. I played the piano with our school orchestra during the school year, but once the beginning of May came, I abandoned the keyboard and strapped on my bell lyre to practice Sousa marches with the band in preparation for marching with them on parade day.

Once the parade was over, my family spent the rest of the day with my mother’s best friend and her family, playing bocce and feasting on hamburgers, hot dogs, and my mother’s famous potato salad. The brother of my mother’s friend always brought his banjo, which fascinated me, and he showed me how to play it. He even loaned me one for awhile, but after struggling with sore fingers on those double strings that felt like razors, I returned the banjo in short order.

Yesterday we came home in the early afternoon, the three old people took naps, leaving me alone to do some writing, and then we grilled corn on the cob and steamed lobster tails. Today we will do the requisite hot dogs and watermelon, and another Memorial Day weekend will be over for the year. People may say we missed the whole point of Memorial Day, that it is a day to remember those who have served their country in the Armed Services, those who have fought and those who have died protecting their country. But I say that we can hold them in our hearts while we celebrate what they have fought and died for. Family, Friends and Freedom. The point has not been missed by us.

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Stocking Up

This morning I had a disturbing dream. I don’t usually remember my dreams, but this one was so disturbing, I thought it had really happened and only realized it was a dream when I was at the breakfast table in the middle of my third or fourth swallow of tea. In my dream I had…give me a minute, this is hard for me…I had (swallow)…I had run out of gas. In the dream I had just left my daughter’s house and was driving to who-knows-where, when I felt the car slowing down. I depressed the gas petal to the floor, and nada pasa. I pulled the car over to the side of the road and coasted to a stop. I was about to call AAA when my husband and son-in-law happened to be driving by, saw my car, and pulled over. My husband started to laugh when I told him what happened, but then he looked at my face and knew that was the wrong response.

“Totally my fault,” he said. “I know you kept reminding me to fill your car up, and I forgot.” At least he recognized his responsibility in this terrible event. He likes my cooking and he knows what side his bread is buttered on.  Even in my dream.

Okay, stop shaking your heads, those of you who do not understand why this was such a disturbing dream. Maybe you are one of those people who wait until his warning light comes on before you fill up your tank. I, on the other hand, am one of those people who start to panic once the needle falls below the half-way mark.

I am like my mother in that regard. I do not want to run out of anything. When my mother died, my father found she had squirreled away about twenty rolls of plastic kitchen wrap. He didn’t have to buy any for several years. Nor did he have to buy paper towels, toilet paper, soap, and various other necessities. If you come to my house and you forgot your toothbrush, no worries. I’m sure to have one or two–or ten–extras. Same goes for toothpaste, deodorant, dental floss, soap, olive oil, and many other items, including plastic kitchen wrap. I am my mother’s daughter, after all.

One thing I do not stock up on, however, is food in the refrigerator. Open the refrigerator door these days, and there is not much there. I prefer to walk up to the market and buy whatever feels right for the day. Better yet, when my husband asks, “What’s for dinner?” I prefer to say, “Oh, look at that! The cupboard is bare. Guess we’ll have to go out and eat.” See, I can be practical sometimes.

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English Is a Silly Language

Every Tuesday I tutor a young Vietnamese woman in English, helping prepare her to take the citizenship test next year.  Lately we’ve been working on her vocabulary and writing skills. Until you look at English through the eyes of someone from a non-English speaking country, you can’t appreciate what a difficult language ours is.

For example, this woman asked me why our letters didn’t have just one sound like they did in her language. She thought the cell in cell phone was spelled “sell,” and was very surprised when I told her it began with a “c.” We then talked about words that were spelled differently, had different meanings, and yet were pronounced the same, like won and one. How on earth does “one” start with a w sound? Then why isn’t “wonder” spelled “oneder”? She was even more exasperated when we talked about words that were pronounced differently, had totally different meanings, and yet were spelled exactly the same, such as “tear,” meaning water dripping from your eye, and “tear,” meaning to rip something.

She wanted me to give her the rules on how to form plurals. I knew she was in for more disappointment because as many rules as there are, there are a ton of exceptions. Child becomes children, woman becomes women, goose becomes geese, and mouse becomes meese. Or at least it should. We put letters in words and then don’t pronounce them (gnat), we put an e at the end of a one-syllable word to make the preceding vowel have a long sound (bone), and then we put an e at the end of a word and it makes the same vowel short (come). Can you imagine how frustrating all of this is to a person learning English? I dread getting into the whole “ough” problem (through, rough, bough, etc.)

As difficult as our language is, at least we don’t have to worry about the tones of our words as they do in the Chinese language. I read a post by Slice of Shanghai that made me think ours may not be quite so hard. I think, though, that my sweet Vietnamese young lady might find that debatable.

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Hands

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If It’s Sunday, It Must Be Ice Cream

Yesterday was a chilly, drizzly, dreary day in Virginia Beach.  My husband and I always go down to the Oceanfront late in the afternoon or early evening for our Sunday ice cream trip to Dairy Queen.  I get a chocolate dipped cone and my husband opts for chocolate sprinkles.  We never vary.  It’s our routine.  Yesterday, however, when my husband asked if we should go or if maybe it was too cold, we looked outside at the grey day and the trees frantically waving in the increasing wind, and we both decided we would skip it this time.

It’s hard to break a routine.  When it is something you look forward to, it’s comforting to repeat it time and time again.  Something seems missing when you forego it.  We started the Sunday ice cream routine when we were first married and living in Storrs, a little hamlet in rural Connecticut.  We’d go to a soft ice cream stand about a mile away, or we went to the dairy bar at the university.  When we had our children, our Sunday ice cream routine continued at Baskin Robbins in Alamo Heights in Texas.

I remember our Friday night routine with my father when I was a child.  Friday was pay day, and that meant we got to eat at Rawley’s Drive-in in Fairfield, Connecticut, my hometown.  Rawley’s was a hole-in-the-wall place so close to the railroad tracks, it shook every time a train went by.  But they had the best  hotdogs I’ve ever eaten, loaded with kraut and bacon, and no one could beat their milkshakes.  Whenever I visit Fairfield, I go there for lunch, and all those great memories of our Friday nights come flooding back.

When our kids were little and we were living in San Antonio, our Saturday morning routine was going to Rolando’s Super Tacos on Harry Wurzbach Road.  Never in my life have I had a better bean a cheese taco, and their hot sauce was amazing.  Yes, the little roaches that crawled around on the floor were a little disconcerting, but man-oh-man were those giant tacos great!  Then one day when we went for our usual Saturday taco breakfast, we found Rolando’s was gone.  I suspect the health inspector might have had something to do with it, but honestly, Rolando’s hot sauce would have killed any germs from those pesky roaches.  Alas, our comfort food was no more.  But wait!  Rolando’s was next door to a Dunkin’ Donuts, so that became our new Saturday morning routine.  I know our children remember those years fondly.  Recently my husband and I have reinstituted that doughnut routine for the two of us.

Before you point out the obvious, I will say it for you.  Yes, I know that all my cherished routines seem to revolve around food.  But I’m sure we have other routines that are just as noteworthy, and if you give me awhile, I’m sure I could think of some.  When I was trying to think of something to write for today’s post, I asked my husband for suggestions and he said to write about our Sunday ice cream routine.  In that case, I said, in spite of the weather, we’d better head to Dairy Queen.  Research, you know.

Hubby buying me my ice cream cone

It was a wild and windy Sunday at the Oceanfront

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My Flirtation With Running

I have never been an athlete, unlike my brother and sister.  While my brother played soccer and ran on the cross country team and my little sister earned belt after belt in judo, I was content to read my books and play an occasional game of badminton.  That’s why it came as a surprise to my daughter (My Pajama Days) to hear yesterday that when we lived in Philadelphia in the late seventies, I used to run.  We were discussing her preparation for her half-marathon race that’s coming up in five weeks.  “I used to run, you know,” I said.  But she didn’t know.

We lived in an apartment in a neighborhood with lots of kids.  I had all three of ours by that time, and only my daughter was of school age, just starting kindergarten.  One day one of the other moms decided we should get up early, meet on the corner and get an hour of running in before we sent our kids off to school.  I had just had a baby, so that sounded like a good way to get back in shape.  My husband was supportive and even took me to a running store so I could get a really good pair of shoes.

One of the few pictures I could find with my precious running shoes.  Click to enlarge.

I was as excited when I bought those shoes, my Etonic KM Joggers, as I was when I was a kid and I got a new pair of Keds.  Someone should have told me that there is a lot more to running than putting on a good pair of shoes.

Our little cadre of six mothers decided we would need to meet at 5 A.M. in order to get our run in before we had to get the kids up for school and our husbands off to work.  A couple of the mothers also had jobs to get to.  Since we started at the beginning of the school year, things went pretty smoothly as the weather was still warm in September and the sky was still beginning to get light when we started our run.  The running itself, though, was a struggle for me in the beginning.  I had no idea about pacing myself or easing into it.  I just wanted to keep up with the other mothers so I didn’t look like a dork.  I didn’t tell them I had never run further than the mailbox.  Oh, how I suffered from shin splints those first few weeks!  My sides ached and my lungs felt like they were about to burst, but after buying those expensive shoes I was so proud of, I was darned if I was giving up.

Gradually, the running got easier.  We ran in a beautiful suburban neighborhood near our apartments, away from the traffic.  We all dreamed of owning a home like one of those one day.  As the fall wore on, the light dimmed, and the temperature dropped, the determination of my compadres wained.  One by one they began to drop out until, by December, I was the only one left.  You can’t imagine how hard it was for me to drag myself out of bed at 5 A.M when the rest of my sweet little family were snuggled deep in slumber.  But I wasn’t giving up!  I kept going, even in the dark, even in the cold, coming back at 6 A.M. and crawling back in my toasty bed next to my husband.  I would put my cold feet next to my husband’s warm ones, and he’d jump a little before he drew me close and cuddled for a few more minutes before we had to get up.

Then one frosty winter morning in February, it all ended.  The temperature had dipped into the teens and every breath I took made the hairs in my nose freeze and my lungs burn.  It was pitch black out except for the occasional street light.  I was rounding a curve in that pretty neighborhood when a huge German shepherd came charging across a lawn, growling savagely and ready to spring.  I screamed and the dog’s owner, who fortunately had just stepped out to retrieve his newspaper, called the dog off before he surely would have taken a chunk out of me.  I was so shaken, I walked home the rest of the way and decided my running days were over.  Simple as that.  Truth be told, I was grateful to that dog.

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Blue

The blue of the sky meets the blue of the bay

The photo you’ve all been waiting for:  Me in that blue dress I squeezed into for the wedding!

Living proof the Paleo diet can make you a star!

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