It’s Time for a New Health Magazine

I don’t know about you, but if you are well over forty like me, then you are probably sick to death of picking up magazines in the store that all have nearly identical teasers on their front page:  “Lose Belly Fat by Eating All the Donuts You Want!”  “Abs of Steel and Buns of Brick in Ten Minutes a Day!”  “Drop Two Sizes In Time for Your Hot Weekend Date!”  Their audience can’t possibly be those of us who are of advancing age.  Don’t they think we older people might enjoy articles that actually have some relationship to where we are in life?

I was just about ready to cancel all my subscriptions and shred the offensive copies still on my coffee table, when the latest issue of one of my health magazines arrived and made me feel that maybe they are starting to listen to us oldsters (could be the 400 letters I’ve sent them).  Anyway, I haven’t opened it yet, but it looks promising, plus the gorgeous babe on the cover looks a lot like me.  Here’s the cover in case you want to look for it on your store shelves:

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About Coming East

I am a writer, wife, mother, and grandmother who thinks you're never too old until you're dead. My inspiration is Grandma Moses who became a successful artist in her late 70's. If I don't do something pretty soon, though, I'll have to find someone older for inspiration.
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46 Responses to It’s Time for a New Health Magazine

  1. LOL! That was the best.
    ~FringeGirl

  2. E.C. says:

    ~rofl~ Thanks so much I needed a good laugh! I think that your magazine is a magazine I could get in to reading. lol 😉

  3. sliceofshanghai says:

    Very funny and clever!

  4. Robin says:

    LOL! Thank you, thank you, and thank you. I’ve had similar thoughts about the magazines I subscribe to. Where ARE all those baby boomers who are said to take up a good percentage of the population??

  5. I started cracking up as soon as I saw the magazine cover and never stopped laughing while I read this! You, my friend, are not only svelte and beautiful, as evidenced from the cover, but clever and insanely funny. The total package! So why do you even NEED to read those silly magazines?? 😉 Seriously, I gave up on all those mags because they seem ridiculous to me anyhow. So here’s my 2 cents. Why not start an fitness mag for us bloggers (only those of us who acquired ‘bigger butt syndrome’ though)? We could start with those exercises I’ve seen on TV where you only sit in a chair! LOL

  6. Dor says:

    Susan, you are a clever, clever girl! You can make me laugh and cry with words. This one was a laugh-out-louder! Thanks. Dor

  7. This is the funniest thing you’ve ever written. Sharing everywhere! Thanks!

  8. Subscribed! I’ve noticed I don’t read Cosmo like I used to…not since Helen Gurley Brown was editor. Like Gurley lived out her name (girlie) I think Okaty (the woman next door) can live out real women everywhere…you have a lot of material here…I say go with it.
    This was soooo clever. Great magazine cover and the model on the cover is so gorgeous.

    • comingeast says:

      Thank you, Georgette. I really had to suck in my gut to fit into that dress, though. While I was doing all that cutting and pasting, I couldn’t help but remember what it was like to be a classroom teacher. I was always doing stuff like that for my students. In fact, they used to say I should have been a stand-up comedienne because I was such a joke as a teacher.

  9. Simply awesome post! What a hot chick!!

    I often wonder how in the world so many magazines can have pretty much the same claims on the cover. “Lose 10 pounds!” “Blast Belly Fat!” I don’t think I fall for them anymore. (although I always have the tiniest of hope I can lose 10 pounds in 10 days…)

    • comingeast says:

      Thanks, Darla, for recognizing my babe-ness. I thought only my husband was aware of it. I have no doubt I could lose weight and get rid of this gut if I were willing to do what it would take–stop eating! Not going to happen!

  10. Leah says:

    Where can I subscribe?

  11. This is hysterical! I was smiling when I started to read…giggling when I saw that familiar model’s face…(you are so clever!) and laughed out loud when I read the “blogging made be a better writer but”…comment!

  12. Huffygirl says:

    Too funny! I gave up on women’s magazines and health magazines a long time ago. Still, you can’t go on Facebook without repeatedly seeing the miracle weight loss cures and how Rachel Ray lost 30 pounds in 30 minutes.

  13. Amy says:

    I love it, love it! You are way too cool!

  14. The one I hate is the beauty company (to remain nameless) that claims their product, “fights the seven signs of aging.” Shoot, there’s seven signs? What are they? Do I need seven products?

    My thought is that’s why our eyes go bad. We can’t see those wrinkles and bulges anymore.

  15. notquiteold says:

    My pet peeve is wrinkle cream advertised with young models, or plus sized clothing worn by a size 8 woman.

  16. Margie says:

    Excellent magazine cover! I can’t wait to read the article about how blogging leads to bigger butts. I think that is how I got mine, so it will be nice to read something that validates my suspicion.

  17. SOOO funny! And nice job on the magazine cover! 😀

  18. Shary Hover says:

    I love your magazine cover. You are so clever!
    I’ve got to stop reading those magazines… they make my perfectionist tendencies go haywire.

  19. You are hilarious!!!! That is the best magazine cover ever – and you’re right, that is one hot babe.

  20. Jenny says:

    Oh my, this makes me laugh so much. You are great! I love this post and you are a super model on the cover! I have had similar complaints about my running magazines. They never talked about how to train while being a full-time mother. Only suggestions I have ever read were to get up before the kids. I never can do that since I stay up late getting things done and have nursed a baby through the night for many many months. So here I sit getting chubby while chasing my kids and getting exercise in every once in a while.

    • comingeast says:

      Oh, my, Jenny, your comment brought back memories! When I was a young mom of three and we were living in Philadelphia, I got up at 5 A.M. and ran with three other moms because that was the only time we had. I’d get home at 6 A.M. and crawl back in bed, putting my cold feet under my husbands legs to warm them up, and try to get 30 more minutes of rest before our day started. And I was a nursing mom, too! Don’t you sometimes want to publish a magazine for REAL people?

  21. oh my gosh, this is so great. “Blogging made me a better writer but gave me a bigger butt” – Hilarious!

  22. oldereyes says:

    I absolutely love it. For months I’ve been eying the women’s magazines at the checkout counters, noticing all the emphasis on looks and weight … juxtaposed, by the way with dessert recipes! And, by the way, magazines like Men’s Health are starting to sound the same way. It’s time for those of us with imperfect bods to revolt.

    • comingeast says:

      Yes, Bud! It’s not just women’s magazines; you are so right. It can make some people depressed when they can’t seem to have that perfect body. Of course, as you can see from my picture on the cover of the magazine in my post, I don’t have that problem.

  23. Nurse Lyssie says:

    I wish there was a “Love” button, because I would have definitely clicked that instead.
    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought the same thing while flipping through Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, etc.
    I wish I had the patience or access to sift through the archives of those magazines and investigate just how many articles have been reused and reworded throughout the entirety of their existance. Definitely linking this article on my twitter today @NurseLyssie.
    Props on the cover design! 😀

    • comingeast says:

      Thanks, Nurse Lyssie! As a nurse, I’m sure it drives you crazy to have magazines give people the impression that we can all be thin with such little effort. It makes people just want to give up!

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