When I got the mail yesterday afternoon, I found a bargain book catalogue. Making a lovely cup of Earl Grey for myself, I propped my feet up, sat down and began to peruse the catalogue for books I might like to add to my collection. The following are some of the ones that didn’t make my list.
- And the Hippos Were Boiled in Their Tanks. Though written by two greats, William S. Burroughs and Jack Kerouac, the blurb said this work of fiction ( thank God!) ” tells a hard-boiled story of bohemian New York during WWII, full of drugs and art, obsession and violence.” The authors were unknowns at the time and the manuscript was rejected time and time again and sat in filing cabinets for decades. Aren’t we lucky to finally get access to it! (My typing is dripping with sarcasm, in case you couldn’t tell.)
- What To Say To Get Your Way: The Magic Words That Guarantee Better, More Effective Communication. Don’t need it. I already know those words and use them quite often. “Feeling Frisky?”
- Never Be Lied To Again: How to Get the Truth in 5 Minutes or Less in Any Conversation or Situation. Now if they had a book entitled Never Lie Again: How to Tell the Truth in Five Minutes or Less, I’d buy a bunch of copies and send them to the presidential candidates.
- Spam: The Cookbook. I don’t need to elaborate why I’m not getting this one, do I?
- 101 Things to Do With Canned Soup. I can think of only one: READ THE SODIUM CONTENT ON THE LABEL!
- Totally Potato Cookbook. Can you picture the people who would actually get excited about this cookbook? Remember the children’s song “I’m a Little Teapot, Short and Stout?” Somewhere in that title is the answer to my question.
- Collector’s Guide to Pez, 3rd Edition. Darn! Can’t believe I missed the first two.
- The Encyclopedia of Wood. Now I enjoy a good thriller as well as anyone, but I think this may be over the top, even for me.
- The Plot to Seize the White House. Yeah, me too. I thought this was about current politics, but it’s really about a “shocking true story of conspiracy to overthrow Franklin Delano Roosevelt in the early 1930’s.” I think what you and I were thinking it was about is even more shocking.
I’m only on page 9 and there are 80 pages, so I’ll have a few moadd books to add at a later time.
Coming East 
Always loved your humor, Susan. A quite interesting list you have here! This made me laugh today! The last title got me.:)
Thanks, Yen. Wonder how some of those titles got published!
I think I gave my brother-in-law The Encyclopedia of Wood for Christmas one year. He was very happy.There’s a book for everyone…
Now I’ve insulted you, NQO. So sorry.
No, no insult. I thought it was nutty, but he liked it!
Whew, NQO! I thought I was in trouble.
I got a few giggles out of this post. I’m stunned about the overthrow plot though. It’s sounding rather like OZ politics isn’t it?:) LMAO @ the wood book!
Just figured out what LMAO means, GCB. Now I’m LMAO.
now im LOL 🙂
You always make me smile, GCB.
It does make me wonder… just how many dishes CAN be made with Spam?? Obviously enough to make a cookbook. That’s rather frightening. 😉
I hate to admit this, Robin, but my mom used to fry up some spam for breakfast, and I loved it.
Well, now we see why they are a bargain!
Somebody must buy them, though!
80 pages of bargain books – that will keep you entertained for a while.
My father who was blind, used to get audio books on loan. He would be sent a catalogue of books on offer (for my sister to read to him) so that he could choose what he wanted for the following week. Our very favourite was “Bird Watching for the Blind”. Thanks for this hilarious post.
BTW I think I shall get back into my novel and see if I can get it published now that I have seen what does get published. 🙂
Bird watching for the blind, Judith? Too funny! We absolutely should be able to get our novels published. We just have to come up with ridiculous titles.
There truly is a book out there for every one of us. 🙂
So why can’t mine get published, Sahry? Oh, maybe I need to actually write it first.
Me, too!
Make yourself another cup of Earl Grey, put your feet up and turn up the sarcasm… I LOVE it! It is amazing what does and does not get published. You are right, truly inspiring for writers! I’d be willing to invest some money in “Never Be Lied To Again” if it came with one of those black light wands to detect lies the way one of the others on the market detects pet urine on the carpet. That way we wouldn’t have to go beyond the introductory comments…great post!!
Loved your comment, Carol. Thanks!
This is very funny! I would have to agree with you on almost all of them. My husband is a woodworker and wanna be lumber jack. I think we own The Encyclopedia of Wood. Many of my neighbors may also own or want to own the Totally Potato Cookbook because we are surrounded by Norweigians and potato fields.
Gosh, Jenny, I hope I haven’t offended you! LOL
I once got sent a book entitled ‘Bears of the World’. It was “the most insightful book ever published on the ursine species”. Seriously? There were other books published on this topic? I’ve had it on my bookshelf for years. It reminds me that almost anything can get published if you persevere enough (and that you can catch fish without using a pole).
Gives us writers a lot of hope the, huh, Eileen? We just need to find the right topic. How about: All You Need To Know About Turnip Farming.