Vintage Wine

Autumn officially arrives this weekend, and at this time of year I always think of my father.  One of his favorite songs was Frank Sinatra’s rendition of It Was a Very Good Year. When I was a young woman, Dad would tell me he was in the autumn of his life, and it made me sad because all I could think about was winter was around the corner for him.

Now that I am in the autumn of my life, I don’t find it sad, though I have to admit to occasional wistful longings for days of my youth. I understand Dad more. It is a contemplative time of life. Finally, we have time to ponder. We are not busy raising families, building our professions, saving for houses. Though many of us are still working, we know our careers are winding down. We no longer think about “getting ahead” but “staying the course.”

It seems like only yesterday I was wishing for warming days of spring and the hot days of summer. I turned around, and fall is on my doorstep. It seems like only yesterday I was a young woman wanting to get married and have a houseful of children. I turned around and that marriage took place nearly 42 years ago, and those children are long grown and gone.

This autumn season is a wonderful season of my life in many ways. But it is also short, and winter is indeed ready to knock on my door. So I want to savor it like vintage wine. I want to sip each day and find something good in it. Like the glorious colored leaves that will be on the trees in a few weeks, I want to adorn my place in this world with a burst of color, a burst of passion. I want to make this a very good year.

LYRICS TO IT WAS A VERY GOOD YEAR:

IT WAS A VERY GOOD YEAR (Ervin Drake)

When I was seventeen, it was a very good year
It was a very good year for small town girls
And soft summer nights
We’d hide from the lights
On the village green
When I was seventeen

When I was twenty-one, it was a very good year
It was a very good year for city girls
Who lived up the stairs
With perfumed hair
That came undone
When I was twenty-one

When I was thirty-five, it was a very good year
It was a very good year for blue-blooded girls
Of independent means
We’d ride in limousines
Their chauffeurs would drive
When I was thirty-five

But now the days are short, I’m in the autumn of my years
And I think of my life as vintage wine
From fine old kegs
From the brim to the dregs
It poured sweet and clear
It was a very good year

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Exciting Advances in Neuroscience

I just read an article last week that said scientists are in the early stages of research into brain-to-brain connection. Placing electronic probes against their heads, two men on opposite sides of a university campus were able to make a connection between their thoughts, and one man’s thoughts were able to control the other man’s actions in response to playing a video game. Though the experiment showed that this system makes it possible to read very simple brain signals, they expect, with further study, to be able to carry it forward to read more complex thoughts.

The article made it sound as if this was truly exciting, but I wondered why all the hoopla for something that has been around for a very long time. Reading another person’s thoughts and, by those thoughts, being compelled into action, is not new. In fact, it’s ancient. It’s called marriage. The longer and better the marriage, the stronger the brain-to-brain connection. I just have to think something, and George not only reads my mind, he brings those thoughts to fruition. I’m sure he will be picking up a bottle of merlot on his way home today.

As for connecting the thoughts of people who aren’t married, however, I think this research has much promise. Just think: someday, with the help of this electronic probe, grown children everywhere will find themselves having an overwhelming urge to call their mothers.

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Ain’t We a Pair?

My husband called me from his office when he got to work this morning. “Are you upstairs, by any chance?”

“No, I’m still at the breakfast table, reading the paper. Want me to go upstairs?”

“Yes, please, if you don’t mind. On my dresser is one of my business cards that I wrote a list of to-do things on. Could you read them to me?”

I went upstairs and looked on his dresser. No business card. “Honey, it’s not here.”

“Really? Are you sure? I thought I left it there. I wonder if I left it in my shirt pocket. What shirt was I wearing yesterday?”

“The pink one,” I said, confidently.

“That’s right,” he said. “It was the pink one. Could you go look in the hamper?”

“Oh, it must have been the blue one because it’s on top,” I said when I got to the hamper.

“Yes! That was the one. Is the card in the pocket?”

“Yep!”

“Great, now read it to me.”

“Chersick trcfio. Budlt asscuer contrnt. Child visl dom (locl & unerlck feative), and Chicago.”

“Could you read that again? I couldn’t understand you.”

“Honey, I’m doing the best I can with what I got.” After nearly 42 years of marriage, you’d think I’d have learned to read my husband’s writing, but his writing has gotten worse and so has my eyesight.”

It took awhile, but together the two of us got his notes more or less deciphered. I love how we complement (and compliment) each other.

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A Mess of Beans and Memories

A couple of days ago I brought home some green beans from the market. They were local, fresh, and were a great price, 99 cents a pound, so I bagged up a ton of them, nearly five pounds. I like to cook vegetables briefly so they retain their crispness. Asparagus gets two to three minutes on the stove before it is drained and ready for the table, and spinach has hardly touched the pan before it’s whisked away and squirted with a bit of lemon juice.

imageBut green beans? That’s another story, thanks to my Grandma Mattie, a Kentucky woman who was the best country cook I ever knew. When she made a “mess of beans,” as she called it, she put a big hunk of salt pork or country bacon in a big pot with the beans and cooked them forever, several hours, at least. When the beans were ready, they melted in your mouth, and the pot liquor they simmered in was a treat all by itself.  If there ever were any beans left over, they were even better the next day.

But getting to the point of actually eating those beans was a bit tricky because it was my chore to help my grandfather snap the beans, and he was mighty particular about how that was done. He watched me with eagle eyes, and if he caught me pinching off a piece that included more than just the stem itself to discard, he would fuss at me, telling me I was wasteful. Daddy Bill was quite an affable man, and I loved spending time with him—except when it came to snapping those beans! But once that chore was done and the beans were simmering away on the stovetop, the aroma of them mixed with the smoky scent of the salted meat, it was all worth it.

I remember one time, after a pot of Grandma’s beans had bean cooking for awhile, my Uncle Delmas and I wandered into the kitchen and lifted the lid on the pot to take a peek. There, sitting right on the top, was a huge caterpillar. We told my grandmother who said we were just seeing the salt pork. “With legs?” my uncle asked. When she took a look and acknowledged we were right, she tossed the critter out and put the lid back on the pot.

“Mom, aren’t you going to toss those beans out? We can’t eat them now.” She looked at my uncle like he was talking nonsense.

“Of course we’re going to eat them. I’m not throwing away a good mess of beans just because of a little caterpillar. A little extra protein never hurt anybody. And,” she added after looking at our shocked faces, “if you know what’s good for you, you won’t say a word about this to anyone else at the table.”

At supper later that day (fried chicken, mashed potatoes with cream gravy, tomatoes from Daddy Bill’s garden, and thick slices of raw onion to go along with Grandma’s beans), Uncle Delmas and I kept looking at each other, trying not to giggle, when family member after family member took a heap of those beans and put them on his or her plate. When both my uncle and I declined when the beans were passed to us, one family member asked why we weren’t eating any. After seeing the death threat on my grandmother’s face, my uncle simply said, “I don’t believe I’m in the mood for beans today.”

My grandparents have been gone for many, many years now, and I wish I had some of their things as keepsakes. I particularly wanted one of my grandmother’s patchwork quilts because she made them using pieces of the clothes she sewed for my mother once my mother had outgrown them. I remember one summer when my family drove to Ohio to visit my grandparents, my mother pointed out each fabric piece in one of the quilts and told me what article of clothing it had come from and how old she was when Grandma had made that skirt or that dress or that blouse.

I don’t know whatever became of my grandmother’s things because we lived far away when she died, and I don’t know how my uncle disposed of her possessions. Though it would have been nice to have one of those quilts laying across my bed, the even better memory lies in my head and in my heart whenever I make a “mess of beans.”

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Life’s Little Instruction Book

In 1991, H. Jackson Brown, Jr. published Life’s Little Instruction Book, a little book that reminds us what we should do and how we should act to live a happy and successful life. It is not a very big book, but it is chock full of wisdom, such as “Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness or misery.” The original book is 160 pages. One hundred sixty pages to give us instructions for life.

imageA couple of days ago we bought a new digital camcorder to replace our old one which still uses tapes. It is a tiny thing, weighing only ounces. I can fit it in the palm of my hand. We did not get the kind with all the bells and whistles because our main purpose for using it will be to record my husband and me talking about our life. These conversations will then be burned onto a disk and included with the annotated picture album I’m working on. So we bought the least expensive one we could find that had a good consumer rating.

When I got it home and took it out of the little box it came in, I found that it had only a very short “quick guide” to get me started. It suggested I download the full instruction book from the Samsung website. That full version is now on my iPad. All 113 pages of it. I am on page 30 now and am just learning how to insert the memory card. At this rate, I will finally be able to shoot some video two weeks from next Tuesday.

I’m actually afraid to even use this little camera. The first twenty pages are filled with warnings. I am particularly fearful of the icon to watch out for that means “there is a potential risk of death or serious injury.” There are so many functions and settings and don’t-do-thises that I’m wondering if I should increase my life insurance. Makes me miss my little Brownie camera.

I find it interesting that the instruction book for Life has only 47 more pages than the manual for this video camera. I’m not afraid of Life. I’m terrified of my camcorder.

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I Need Happy Endings

Every week, when my little neighbors come for their visit, they always ask me to tell them a story. They don’t want it to be a story they already know. It has to be one I make up on the spot. This old brain doesn’t think as quickly as it used to, and it’s tough to come up with a new story “thinking on my feet,” as it were. (I’m expected to tell my story standing up so I can act it out as I go along.) Though I don’t know how my story will begin, I always know how it will finish: with a happy ending.

When I was growing up, I always had my head in a book. I ready every Louisa May Alcott book I could get my hands on and all the Nancy Drew mysteries. In fact, when we would go to Ohio in the summer to visit my grandparents and cousins, my cousin Cheryl and I traded our Nancy Drew books with each other to make sure we didn’t miss one. We were kind of sad when there weren’t any left that we hadn’t already read.

The most important prerequisites of the books I liked to read were that they had to have a hero or heroine that I would like as a friend, and they had to have a happy ending. Those two things were easy to come by in children’s books, especially back then. It wasn’t that everything in the story had to be wonderful. That would have been boring. Stories have to have conflict. I was devastated when Beth died in Little Women. I cried openly about it. But at the end, everything worked out wonderfully. Today’s children’s stories still follow the same path, for the most part, but sometimes they seem darker.

I haven’t outgrown my desire for happy endings, although if the ending isn’t actually happy but is satisfying, I’m usually okay with it. But just okay. I’d rather have happy any day. In fact, when I go to the movies, if I’ve heard that a certain film doesn’t have a happy ending, I stay away from it. I go to movies to escape. I don’t need another dose of real life. I want to come out smiling. My brother is the same way. Once, when we were watching a rented movie at my house, it looked like its ending couldn’t possibly turn out well for the main character. Since we loved the movie up to that point, we were both bracing for a less-than-satisfying ending, wishing we hadn’t invested our time and emotions into a movie that would leave us feeling sad. But then it had a twist at the end, a wonderful twist that left everything better than we could have imagined, everything we could have hoped for. We loved it!

I can’t control everything that happens in my life. Life is full of sorrows as well as joys. However, I can control what I read and watch, and give me a book with complications, twists and turns, even a little bit of tragedy, but when I finish the last page, I want to be smiling. I just finished a terrific book, In Memory of Running by Ron McLarty that did just that.

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Memories of My Father

My father was a many-faceted man. An aeronautical engineer by trade, he was an artist and a poet at heart. He was well-read in the classics, including many of the Russian writers and could quote Dostoevsky and Tolstoy. His favorite poet was the French vagabond poet Francois Villon, and one of his favorite novels was the Polish writer Sienkiewicz’s Quo Vadis. Not the usual pleasures for an engineer.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my father and missing him. How strange it was, then, when I talked to my youngest child this weekend and he told me he has been thinking about Papa and missing their talks with each other. There is so much more my son wished he knew about his grandfather, some things I can give him a few answers to, but many things I don’t know enough about and there is no one left alive to ask.

My son and daughter-in-law had just watched the film From Here to Eternity, and I suspect that was what triggered my son’s questions about his grandfather’s experiences in the South Pacific during the war. He wanted to know if Papa had seen combat. I told him I didn’t think he had actually seen any combat, but he saw the results of it on the aircraft because he was stationed on bases in the Philippines and New Guinea and worked on the airplanes that flew missions. I’m sure he got to know many pilots who left in those planes and never returned. I looked for pictures of Dad in the war, but though I found many of him in uniform, I could only find a couple of him in the South Pacific, and they were tiny and grainy.

Dad standing in front of the airplanes he worked on.

Dad standing in front of the airplanes he worked on.

image

Dad is in the white t-shirt on the left.

Although I only have those two pictures of him overseas, I have a stack of the love letters he sent to my mother during that time. He had already received his bachelor’s degree in engineering from NYU before the war, was a first lieutenant and had been in the South Pacific for a year already when he sent my mother a letter the day before his birthday. It is poignant because I realized all that was going on in his young life, and yet he felt pretty old at the time.

Only twenty-three and so much had already transpired in his young life.

Only twenty-three and he was feeling so grown up.

It is in these letters that I can see the poet in my father. In a letter to my mother from the South Pacific in May of 1944, he wrote, “Love is a strange thing. For love, a man might want to conquer a world, or write a sonnet, or compose a ballad. But those are the few, and the rest of us who can’t do those things have to do something else. All I want is a peaceful and pleasant life with you—a whole lifetime filled with our intermingled happiness. There are so many factors to happiness that it almost becomes a problem in probability. But, in truth, happiness is not to be sought for. It comes with unselfishness, loyalty, and devotedness. I believe we shall be happy because we are not greedy people—we want very little.”

My sister-in-law was lamenting recently that people don’t write letters anymore because of technology. Quick notes sent as emails or texts are the way of the world now. When I read Dad’s old letters, I have to agree with her how sad it is because we will never have the depth of thought saved for generations to come.

This post today is really for my children, especially for Ben who was missing his grandfather this weekend. One last thing I will add for that son as it was a movie that sparked this post to begin with. In one of my father’s letters to my mother, he mentioned a movie he had just seen. Maybe it will be one my son and daughter-in-law will want to rent next, and when they watch it, they will think of Ben’s grandfather watching it in 1944 in some lonely outpost in the South Pacific, sitting with other men who were missing their loved ones.
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Separation Anxiety

When my mother died many years ago, my father tried to do things exactly the same way Mother did.  When Mother made a green salad, iceberg was her lettuce of choice.  Her sandwiches were spread with Miracle Whip.  White bread was all she bought.  Dad followed suit for several years because it was comforting to know he was doing what Mother would have done.

Then one day, when my husband and I came over for dinner, I noticed Dad had made a salad using romaine and field greens.  “What, Dad, no iceberg?”  He looked at me sheepishly and said, “I wanted to try something different.  I think this has more taste.” Then he added, with a nervous laugh, “You don’t think Mother would mind, do you?” After I “gave him permission” to do what he wanted to do, a flood of other changes started showing up. He bought dark bread and mayonnaise (He told me he had never really liked Miracle Whip but that is what Mom used, so he went with it), and he experimented with my mother’s recipes, adding different spices or ingredients to make them his own. I remember laughing to myself when I saw how reluctant he was to find his own way.

My favorite picture of my mother and me.  Click to enlarge.

My favorite picture of my mother and me. Click to enlarge.

I thought about that as I was peeling peaches for breakfast. I peel them by going around and around, leaving one whole curly-cue peel intact. My daughter pointed that out to one of my granddaughters one time, saying, “Look how Mimi peels fruit.” I peel it that way because my mother did, and she peeled it that way because her mother did. I made Nestle’s tollhouse cookies with my little neighbor yesterday, and as I was putting newspaper down on the kitchen table to cool my cookies on, I explained that this was how my mother made this same kind of cookies instead of cooling them on racks. That way the paper soaked up the grease.

I wonder how many things I do because my parents did them that way. When did I finally become myself? How much of me is in my children? Do we hang on to certain ways because they are comforting and make us think of the ones who did them that way? Is there a little hint of fear that the way we learned is the best way and doing something a different way might not turn out as well? I have no answers. I’m just musing.

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Deja Vu All Over Again

I have written many times about the two little girls who live near me who visit every week.  Their youngest sibling, three-year-old T., has now become a visitor.  In fact, his mother told me the other day that he put on his socks and shoes and announced he was going over to see Miss Susan, and when she told him he couldn’t because I was busy, he had a fit. Ah, to be loved so much!

Yesterday T. came over for his first visit all by himself, without his sisters for back-up. He absolutely adores playing with his little cars and trucks, but I told his mother not to send him over with his own because I had a little surprise for him. Cleaning out one of the guest room closets last week, I came across a plastic tub of my sons’ old metal Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars. When T. came over and I showed him the tub, his eyes got so big, I thought they would pop. The two of us sat and played with those cars on the back patio for an entire hour. I couldn’t believe how fast the time went.

imageWe also found, among the little metal cars, a plastic figure that had belonged to my sons. It was Count Dracula, and I used my best Dracula voice and made him the gas station attendant. Since T. had no idea who Dracula was, I’m sure he wondered at my Transylvania accent, but he got into the spirit of the play and made Dracula talk as well. His Dracula told the cars to play nice and stop crashing into each other. Not a Dracula I’m familiar with. Years in that coffin must have made him reconsider his nastiness.

My two little guys

My two little guys

After we had been playing for awhile, I sat back and watched T. make his little screeching car noises and fire truck siren sounds and thought back to the two little boys whose cars these were. One is now a lawyer and financial compliance officer, and the other one is a neurogeneticist. They have not touched these cars in decades. And yet…and yet (excuse me, the pause was so I could wipe the tear out of my eye), if I were to bring them outside to my back patio and sit them down with T., I feel certain I would hear those little boy sounds tripled.

imageWhen it was time for T. to go home, I knew he would have trouble leaving those cars behind, so I suggested he choose one to borrow. I asked him if he knew what borrowing meant. He assured me he did. I told him to choose just one, and he, of course, chose three. We compromised on two. As he held them in his little hands, I said, “Now whose cars are those?” He looked at them carefully and said, “Mine?” We need to work on vocabulary next time he visits.

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Lazy Days of Summer

Summer saps my focus.  It makes my mind wander and keeps me from being productive.  I waste time and then get mad at myself because I didn’t accomplish a darn thing I had intended to accomplish for the day.  I can’t even relax properly.  Take, for example, today during yoga.  I was supposed to be focused on my breathing and putting every effort into my movements.  Instead I found these, and similarly inane thoughts, wandering around in my head:

(As I saw my butt in the mirror):  Hey, those no-line panties really work, even with these tight little yoga pants.
(As I’m holding a pose with my head down to my knees):  Dang, I can hardly see because my cheeks are nearly covering my eyes.  Where did all this extra skin come from?
Then I looked up and noticed the rest of the class had moved on without me and were holding a different pose.

I finally deleted my Scrabble game on my iPad, so at least I can’t waste anymore time with that, but now I’m fascinated by this real estate app I downloaded.  I keep putting in cities I think I might like to live in to see what homes are selling for.  What the heck is that all about?  I have been reading a lot, and I guess that’s not bad.  A friend of mine sent me a box of books she was finished with, and it was like Christmas for me.  But I can get my mind buried in a good book to the exclusion of everything else.  Including making dinner.  Good night tonight for Schlotsky’s, I think, or a hot dog at Five Guys.

I’ve done very little blogging, and that includes reading as well as writing.  Please forgive me, loyal followers and those I follow.  I will try to do better.  But it may take awhile.  Usually I turn myself around after Labor Day.  I hope my focus improves before then, though.  I went grocery shopping today and bought a jar of Miracle Whip.  I put it in the cupboard beside the other jar of Miracle Whip I didn’t realize I had.  The one right next to the other jar of Miracle Whip I forgot about.  I don’t even like Miracle Whip.  I am a mayonnaise girl.

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