We’re Having a Baby Tomorrow!

It is darn tough to have a baby when you are in your sixties, but our pregnancy will be over tomorrow when our little guy finally makes his appearance. My brother and sister-in-law have been even more pregnant than we have been, and since they are older than we are, it’s been even harder on them. Morning sickness, visits to the obstetrician and other doctors, shopping for maternity clothes, buying all that baby paraphernalia after all these years has been difficult for them, troopers though they are.

My brother’s daughter and son-in-law are the actual parents, but my sister-in-law has been the one, for the most part, who has been taking our niece to her doctor’s appointments while our nephew is in law school two hours away from them. Sometimes my brother has had to pitch in. My husband and I have heard the updates after every appointment. image We’ve seen my neice’s timeline pictures of her growing belly that she’s posted on Facebook every few weeks. We helped give her a baby shower.  We’re rearranging furniture in one of the bedrooms so that when our niece and nephew come to visit with the baby, she’ll have room for his portable crib. So much planning, so much praying, so much excitement, so much joy.

Our granddaughters are nearly eleven and fifteen. There hasn’t been a baby in our family in quite awhile. This will be my brother and sister-in-law’s first grandchild. We know how that feels and we can’t wait for them to experience that incredible moment when they hold their grandson for the first time. Just as their daughter and son-in-law’s lives will never be the same, neither will theirs. We are so excited that we will get to be a part of this child’s life, too. And we are only a small part of the body of people who make up this child’s family.  More aunties and uncles, another set of grandparents, even a great-grandma, and many, many cousins await the birth of this baby. This baby is so loved already, and he hasn’t even taken his first breath yet.

imageToday is the last day this sweet young couple will just be the two of them. I wonder if they are thinking about that with just a wee bit of trepidation. I can tell them, along with their parents, that there is no need to worry. They are about to enter into a joy they can only imagine.

As for me, I’m ready for this pregnancy to be over. I think my ankles are beginning to swell…

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Happy Birthday, Brother!

Today is my brother’s birthday, and I want to take time to acknowledge that as far as brothers go, he’s been a terrific one. We grew up together for nearly eight years before my sister, Karen, was born. We had established such a strong bond by the time she came along, and there were so many years separating us from her, she got short shrift and felt like an only child.

Most brothers do not want their little sisters hanging around, but my brother always let me come with him when he went to play with his friends. Even if all I did was watch from the sidelines, he knew I was there, and I just liked being near him. I don’t know why we were so close because we couldn’t have been more different. He wasn’t afraid of anything, and I was afraid of everything. I liked books and music. He liked being outdoors and playing very physical sports like hockey, soccer, and rugby. Our bond had nothing to do with what we liked to do, but with whom we liked to be, and we liked being together. SCAN0962 My brother has always been protective of me, and it’s hard to find a picture of us together where his arm is not around me.

In high school, he was my date for cotillion if I didn't have one.

In high school, he was my date for cotillion if I didn’t have one.

Many times we double-dated in high school or went to parties together. I remember one night we double-dated and took separate cars. He told me not to go back to the house until he was ready to leave because my father always said, in response to our question of what time we had to come home, “Use your own discretion.” My brother felt that my father would be okay with our discretion as long as we came home at the same time. One time he paid me to stay out a little longer. I think it was only a buck…we were both cheap.

SCAN0959We went to college together at the University of Connecticut. I will always remember one treasured time with him when he had to take water samples at half-hour intervals all night long at Black Pond, a pond deep in the woods of rural Connecticut. It was for one of his ecology classes, and I think he was testing for how temperature affected bacteria count. I don’t remember; he was the science major, and I was the English major. It was a frigid March evening, and he asked me to come along for company. We sat in his little black MGB and talked and laughed until dawn. I have no memory of what we talked about, but the feeling of closeness we shared that night has never left me.

DSC_0136My brother’s beautiful red hair is white now, and I don’t think he’d be able to pick up a hockey stick anymore and play a fast-paced game, or make an incredible head-shot into the soccer goal as he did in college, earning him the name of “The Dazzler,” but when I look at him, I still see my big brother, sitting in that cold little car in the woods, making me feel warm and wanted. Happy Birthday, Mark!

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Life Has a Way of Repeating Itself

My daughter, Emily Okaty Wilson, has a blog on WordPress entitled My Pajama Days. Many of her posts are about the joys of being a parent, but she also writes about the trials and tribulations parenting brings. My oldest granddaughter, The Tortoise, is about to turn fifteen and wants very much to take drivers’ education at school. Since she’s been told she won’t get to take it if she doesn’t bring her grades up and has shown no serious move in that direction, she may be taking the bus to school through her senior year. Hmmm…can you take the bus to college?

My granddaughter at her latest school dance.

My granddaughter at her latest school dance.

Anyway, lately there have been more trials and tribulations than joys, thanks to those moody, roll-your-eyes, my-mother-is-a-meany teenage years, Emily’s posts have reflected her frustration with trying to make a child responsible who refuses to cooperate. I felt for her and left a comment on a recent post she entitled “Being a Parent Can Suck the Life Right Out of You.” I wrote, “I know how that feels…” Her response made me laugh. She wrote, “Is it too late to apologize, Mom? If not…sorry.”

History keeps changing as we age, doesn’t it, and we can see things from a different perspective? I wonder what things I did that drove my parents crazy? I’m glad my mother never wrote a blog! Though there are many, many differences between my daughter and oldest granddaughter, I also see some similarities. I think it’s hard to raise girls. My sons never rolled their eyes, at least not to my face. My daughter’s struggles with her oldest are not really her fault, though. When she was that age, in a heated moment my husband shouted, “I hope someday you have a daughter just like you so you know how it feels!”

My daughter with her daddy.  She's the same age as my granddaughter in the previous picture.  How much more quickly they grow up these days!

My daughter with her daddy. She’s the same age as my granddaughter in the previous picture. How much more quickly they grow up these days!

I wish I could assure my daughter that everything will turn out fine in the end. After all, I couldn’t have wished for a more loving, talented, and responsible daughter, and one who is a darned awesome parent. But going through these times of parenting is not an easy task, and she’s right. Parenting can suck the life out of you sometimes, especially when you have to do something that makes your child angry and resentful towards you, but you know it’s the right thing to do. If you had asked my daughter twenty-five years ago if she understood our need to take away the privilege of going to a school dance because she broke curfew for the nth time in a row, she would have screamed a resounding NO! Ask her now, and she will not only totally understand, she will feel the same pain we felt when we had to do it all those many years ago. As for my husband’s wish that she have a daughter just like her, I hope he’s right, because she would be lucky indeed.

My daughter and me.  In this picture, I was the age my daughter is now, and she was the age her daughter is now.

My daughter and me. In this picture, I was the age my daughter is now, and she was the age her daughter is now.

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It Keeps On Getting Better

He ogled me when he met me in college, and he still ogles me today.  I love it!

He ogled me when he met me in college, and he still ogles me today. I love it!

I read somewhere that when people have loved each other for a very long time, love doesn’t get old. It gets better. Today my husband, George, and I have been married forty-one years, and I can attest to the truth of that statement. He still makes my heart flutter. Even just thinking about him, which I do so frequently during the day while he’s away, makes me smile at some remembered thing he said or a look he gave me. He calls me every morning when he gets to work to tell me he’s safe, and he calls me every evening when he leaves the office to tell me he’s on his way home. He always adds, “Can’t wait to get home to you.”

We were just 22 and 23 when we married. It didn’t seem so young at the time, and many of our peers married at the same age. SCAN0076As I look around at other people that age now, I can’t believe how young we were when we made that commitment to each other. So many young people today are still trying to figure out who they are and what career path they are on, even into their thirties, and by the time we were 28 and 29, George already had his Master’s degree, was the Director of Security and Safety at a college outside Philadelphia, and we had three children.

This weekend we painted our dining room and stripped the wallpaper off the downstairs bathroom and scrubbed glue off the walls. We laughed that it was a funny way to celebrate our anniversary weekend. But we were working together, so it felt good and right. “Don’t you feel like newlyweds?” my husband asked me, standing on a ladder with a paintbrush in his hand. We bought this house three and a half years ago and are slowly trying to put our own stamp on it to make it feel truly ours. He continued. “Working together like this makes me feel that we are those young kids we were when we got married.” Aren’t we? I thought. Just don’t go near any mirrors and we can perpetuate the fantasy. I knew exactly what he was saying, and I felt it, too.

Looking forward to the day when we're both retired

So much has changed during our marriage, and nothing has changed.  I don’t know where these past 41 years have gone. I want time to slow down because all those many years went by in a flash, and I know we don’t have another 41 years to spend with each other. One lifetime will not be enough to contain the love we have between us.  Happy Anniversary to my sweetest Forever Love.

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Controlling Your Fate

Last week, when my little four-year-old friend, N. came for her weekly visit, she forgot to bring the memory game we were going to play, so I improvised. I took an old cookie sheet and put ten items on it: a knife, a pen, a watering can, a cookie cutter, a little green man, an apple, a candle, a measuring cup, an iPod, and a pig. I asked N. to study the items, then had her turn around while I removed one item.
20130203-204849.jpg When she turned around, I asked her to tell me which item was missing. She studied the tray, but she couldn’t remember what item was not on it. I showed her the knife that I had hidden behind my back. I put the knife back and told her to study the tray again before I took something away.

“Take the pig away,” she said. I explained to her that the purpose of the game was to remember, and if I took the pig away, she would know what was missing and wouldn’t have to remember, defeating the purpose of the game. She stared at me as if I didn’t know what I was talking about. “Take the pig away,” she repeated. I told her I wouldn’t do that and had her turn around again. I took the measuring cup away. When she turned around, she was clearly puzzled because the pig was still there, and she couldn’t guess what was missing. I showed her the measuring cup. “Now take the pig away,” she said in the tone of voice that let me know I was not playing by her rules, the only ones that mattered. Next round, I took the pig away. She was delighted when she got the right answer this time, as if it had been in doubt.

I like N’s approach to life. If you can’t win by the given rules, make your own rules. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if it were that easy for us adults? I would make the rule that children could not live farther than fifty miles from their parents.

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A Community of Believers

The last time I had my annual physical, my doctor asked me what I was doing to keep my mind busy.  “I write a blog,” I told him.  “That’s good,” he replied.  “Do you do any kind of puzzles?” he … Continue reading

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Pick a Body, Any Body

I’m going to admit to something shocking. I look at other people’s bodies. Yes, I do. And what’s more, I compare my body to theirs and think about how closely my body resembles theirs. I do this a lot at the YMCA when I’m working out and some young cutie in a skin-tight pair of yoga pants is holding a pyramid pose in a perfectly straight line without a bead of sweat trickling down her cheek, and I’m hunched over, back rounded, knees slightly bent (okay, knees very bent), and I’m struggling not to wheeze audibly.

Lest you pretend to be outraged by my behavior, be honest with yourself and admit that you do it once in awhile, too. You look at someone in the mall who, judging from their vastly protruding belly, hasn’t eaten a healthy meal in years, and you vow to get back on that treadmill or stay away from dessert for awhile. Or you look at that person with the smooth waistline and tell yourself that you want that body and you’re determined to work at it to get there and nothing’s going to get in the way of you looking good in your swimsuit this summer. I told myself that yesterday morning at the gym. Then I went home and made oatmeal raisin cookies. A lot of them.

I have been trying, though. So much, in fact, that I’ve recently been featured in a health magazine. Eat your hearts out.

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Sweet School Days

Yesterday’s Daily Prompt was to write about a place from your past or childhood, one that you’re fond of, that has been destroyed. I usually don’t respond to the Daily Prompts because I can’t think of what to write about. But this one was easy.

My elementary school, Roger Sherman, is now a parking lot and has been for some time. It used to occupy the corner of Reef Road and the Post Road, smack dab in the center of our town, Fairfield, Connecticut. It was a red brick building with two floors above ground and one floor below. You moved up through the floors the older you got. I suppose today’s children, perhaps even my own, would think my elementary school was primitive. After all, we didn’t have an auditorium or a cafeteria. We brought lunch from home and ate in our classrooms. I remember the milkman coming to our classroom with a crate of little milk cartons and setting them on the radiator. We were given graham crackers for a snack to go along with the milk. The only problem was that by the time we were given the milk, it had sat on the radiator long enough to start melting the wax from the cartons, so we drank warm, waxy milk for snack time.

The only picture of my elementary school.  From a newspaper clipping.  I am the second from left.

The only picture of my elementary school. From a newspaper clipping. I am the third from left.

Since we had no auditorium, whenever we had assemblies, we all sat on the floor in the long, long hallway. Each floor had to take turns seeing or hearing the program. I remember the many times Officer Friendly came to talk about the dangers of blasting caps (I kept my nose to the ground for quite awhile after each talk in case a blasting cap should ever cross my path, but none ever did), and I looked forward every Christmas to seeing The Littlest Angel projected onto a screen from the reel to reel projector. Of course, if your class was at the end of the hallway, you couldn’t see very much.

We also didn’t have a nurse’s office or a nurse when I was going to elementary school. I remember the yearly process of standing in a line, class by class, outside the principal’s office and being marched in, one by one, to have her check our heads for lice.

During recess the favorite pastime was to play “Crack the Whip,” a game where a long string of children holding hands, would swing the line around and around until the children at the end of the line began flying off. I should amend that to saying it was the favorite pastime for most of the children, but not for me. I was always the tail of the whip and was the first to be flung off into oblivion.

October 1955.  I was in second grade.

October 1955. I was in second grade.

I have such fond memories of going to that school. I never remember one teacher who wasn’t kind. I loved dressing up in the pretty dresses my grandma made for me. Little girls did not go to school wearing pants in those days, though pants would have come in handy when I was playing “Crack the Whip” and landed on my butt. Though the red brick building is long gone, I still remember the echo of footsteps in its halls. No one can knock that memory down.

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Some Chapters Are Beginning to Close for Good

When I started to write this blog, I never gave much thought to what direction I was going to go with it. I certainly never wanted it to be thought of as an old person’s blog, or a blog about aging, gracefully or otherwise. I wanted all ages to be able to relate to what I was saying. Yet sometimes my age does enter into it, and I can’t help but see things from a “mature” perspective.

We’ve been working on redecorating the dining room for a couple of weeks now. Last weekend was the dreaded wallpaper removal. This weekend we sanded the walls and put the painter’s tape where it needed to go. Yesterday we spent the day painting all the trim, the lower half of the wall below the chair rail, and the ceiling. It was white paint, so we didn’t have the pleasure of seeing the color go on the walls. That happens next weekend after we put the primer on.

We used to do this kind of thing all the time when we owned our home in San Antonio. I remember one February when all three children got the chicken pox…but not at the same time. They staggered being sick so we parents had nearly a month of sick children. My husband and I took turns staying home from work, and we used that time to paint the hall and the living room. It was a lot of work, but we were so much younger, and our bodies had no problem with the stretching and reaching and bending over and getting down on the floor. Or getting up off the floor again. This is not the case now.

I wish I had recorded the sounds we made while we were working this weekend. It was as if we were having a contest of who could moan and groan or sigh the loudest. Every muscle in my back is sore, and I’m sure my husband’s back and shoulders are in no better shape after doing the ceiling. Besides painting the dining room next weekend, we intend to tackle the downstairs bathroom as well, at least stripping the wallpaper (the last room with any!) and removing the glue. This summer we will work on painting our huge bedroom. After that, we shall see. I know that I can’t keep doing this much longer. I know when to say “Enough!” I’m not sure my husband does. I think men can keep going longer, or maybe they are slower to admit when their bodies can no longer do what they want them to do. All I know is, pretty soon there will come a time when my husband says, “Let’s paint the den,” and I will have to say, “Let your next wife help you.”

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Never Ask a Woman Her Age

If there is one lesson in life that is important to remember, it’s this:  Don’t play memory games with a four-year-old. My shortest best friend came to visit me yesterday, and she brought two card games with her, Go Fish and a matching game. Since Go Fish had been a disaster last time she came (meaning I was mercilessly slaughtered on my birthday), I chose the matching game.

I should have known I was not headed in a good direction as soon as we started when my little friend asked, “How old are you?” Obviously, she knew that anyone my age should not be playing games where the goal is to remember where something is. The outcome was never in doubt as you can see from this picture. Notice the long string of matches Miss N. had. My four measly matches are above hers.

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If four-year-olds are so darn smart, why do they insist on having the same thing read to them over and over and over again? I would like to think it’s because they can’t remember the story. That would make me feel better about the memory game. But I know that’s not the case because N. knows if I skip even one word when I read her favorite story at my house. I got tired of hearing The Three Little Pigs on my iPad every time N. visited, so yesterday I brought out the box of children’s books I keep in a closet and said, “Let’s pick out something new to read.” I forgot that in that pile of books was a Strawberry Shortcake storybook that she loves. Of course, she insisted we read that one. I begged, I cajoled, I pleaded to no avail. There was no remedy except to read it to her. But, I outsmarted her because I made sure I wouldn’t have to read that book ever again when she comes to my house. I gave it to her. As she left the house, turned to me and said, “We can read The Three Little Pigs on your iPad next time,” I’m sure that wasn’t me with my hands over my ears yelling, “Nyah, nyah, nyah, I can’t hear you!”

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